ORBzine - 2000.05 Television Movie Reviews

ORBzine - Movie Reviews May 2000

TITLE & REVIEW VIDEOS

The Relic
This is a concept movies - no stars, just talent. The lead characters are Tom Sizemore [ Enemy of the State ] and Penelope Ann Miller - a pair of very experienced supporting actors who never had any real starring roles until this film. And they acquit themselves admirably.
This film is remarkably similar to another monster-movie that came out shortly after it - Mimic, with Mira Sorvino in Miller's role.
This is one of the lower points in the career of director Peter Hyams - surely his ultimate rent-a-director job.
We are supposed to believe that Stan Winston's creation, a monster the size of a rhino, can suddenly appear at opposite ends of a gigantic building. It even pops up on the roof, though the circling SWAT choppers don't spot it!

Dead Again
This early 1990s lightweight reincarnation thriller was directed by Ulsterman Kenneth Branagh, who also stars. He plays a LA private investogator who gets called in to look after an amnesiac woman played by Emma Thompson [Branagh's then-wife].
The plot thickens with the appearance of Branagh's Shakespearean cohort Derek Jacobi [most recently seen in Gladiator ] as an antiques dealer who offers to help with regressive hypnotism. This reveals that Branagh and Thompson were lovers in a previous life - but she was murdered and he was accused of the crime.
Branagh eventually works out that the key to the mystery is the journalist who knew the couple and covered the trial, played by Andy Garcia. Another familiar face to SF fans is Robin Williams [ Mork and Mindy, Fisher King ] as an unconventional psychiatrist.

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Fahrenheit 451
In the dark future according to Ray Bradbury , firemen will work in reverse; they will set fires [specifically to banned literature, ie to ALL books!] and slide UP their poles instead of down!
Bradbury's world is a TV society, where the studios broadcast tons of mind-numbing crap to control the masses. Books are banned because society [ie the Government] is
anti-escapism
anti-vanity
anti-individualism
The excuse for banning books? Well, Salman Rushdie once said Freedom of Speach is freedom to offend. Since everyone objected about something, and Bradbury's society wanted to be equalitarian to the level of that in Kurt Vonnegut's Harrison Bergeron they banned all books and thus ensured there is no free press.
The hero is a Fireman, who eventually learns to love the books he destroys. The ending seems to have inspired Running Man and brings a whole new dimension to the Schwarzenegger film.

Robocop 2
Irvin Kirshner directed Empire Strikes Back, which is in this reviewer's opinion the most overrated of the Star Wars series. Kirshner has done nothing else of note [except perhaps the Bond film Never Say Never Again ] and this piece is certainly not much to look at.
Dan O'Herlihy is back as the CEO of OCP. Belinda Bauer takes over from Ronny Cox as the Corporate Villain while Tom Noonan [Last Action Hero] is the new gangster in town since Clarence Bodicker lost out.
Although Frank Miller [The Dark Knight returns] was writer, this is just another typical hollywood sequel - they spent the extra budget on flashing lights and flashier SPFX.

Knight Rider 2000
David Hasselhof and Edward Mulhare are out of retirement in a futuristic city where gun control is enforced - and when you outlaw guns, only ther outlaws have guns!
Mitch Pileggi [Skinner from X-Files ] is an illegal arms dealer with a booming business. Can the team get the now-dismantled KITT back together in time to save the day?
The technician babes, Bonnie and April, are both gone - the new sidekick is a balding mustachioed accountant type. KITT himself is slightly surlier than this reviewer remembers; a nice touch in developing the character.
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Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea
This film is older than it looks - it features Peter Lorre, who died around 1963.
Like Seaquest DSV, this super-sub has a giant internal tank containing aquatic life-forms. But while Seaquest has a talking dolphin, this sub has man-eating sharks. And the only safety rail is knee-high, just tall enough to trip unwary passers-by!

Percy's Progress
Percy [Leigh Lawson] is a super-stud who is caught committing adultery with Elke Sommer. He goes on the run and sails off on a yacht.
Scientists Milo O'Shea [ Barbarella ] and Barry Humphries [Dame Edna Everage] discover that the chemical has evaporated to form rain, and has contaminated the world's water supply. The result - all human males have been rendered impotent!
After over a year alone on the yacht, with nothing to drink but champagne, Percy needs some female company. He climbs ahore in South America where he bumps into aging journalist Bernard Lee [M in the James Bond films].
Bond Girl Madeline Smith pops up as a UK entrant into the Miss Procreation beauty pagent. Denholm Elliot and Vincent Price also appear in the film, in supporting roles.

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Freejack
Emilio Estevez is a Formula One racing driver, and Rene Russo is his girlfriend. He is killed in a crash, and finds himself 20 years the future - a disutopia where he meets foul-mouthed nun Amanda Plummer.
Estevez is pursued by bounty-hunter Mick Jagger, in the pay of Corporate sleazeball Michilette [rent-a-villain Jonathan Banks]. They want Estevez's body so they can transfer their boss's mind into it.
Anthony Hopkins pops up as Russo's employer. Yes, she was chosen for the role because she could play a character who ages 20 years between her 2 appearances. Hopkins took this role just after playing Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs.

Loch Ness
Ted Danson plays a scientist dispatched to the title Loch to find the fabled monster. He stays at the Guest House run by Joely Richardson and meets local Ian Holm [both Holm and Richardson are English, not Scots!].
The question is not Will he discover proof of the beast but rather, Can he bring himself to expose the beast and thus make the place a tourist destination? This of course is nonsensical - Scotland in general [and Loch Ness in particular] is dependant on tourist income; discovery of genuine proof of the monster's existence would be the best thing that could possibly happen to the place.
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TITLE & REVIEW	VIDEOS
The Relic This is a concept movies - no stars, just talent. The lead characters are Tom Sizemore [ Enemy of the State ] and Penelope Ann Miller - a pair of very experienced supporting actors who never had any real starring roles until this film. And they acquit themselves admirably. This film is remarkably similar to another monster-movie that came out shortly after it - Mimic, with Mira Sorvino in Miller's role. This is one of the lower points in the career of director Peter Hyams - surely his ultimate rent-a-director job. We are supposed to believe that Stan Winston's creation, a monster the size of a rhino, can suddenly appear at opposite ends of a gigantic building. It even pops up on the roof, though the circling SWAT choppers don't spot it!
Dead Again This early 1990s lightweight reincarnation thriller was directed by Ulsterman Kenneth Branagh, who also stars. He plays a LA private investogator who gets called in to look after an amnesiac woman played by Emma Thompson [Branagh's then-wife]. The plot thickens with the appearance of Branagh's Shakespearean cohort Derek Jacobi [most recently seen in Gladiator ] as an antiques dealer who offers to help with regressive hypnotism. This reveals that Branagh and Thompson were lovers in a previous life - but she was murdered and he was accused of the crime. Branagh eventually works out that the key to the mystery is the journalist who knew the couple and covered the trial, played by Andy Garcia. Another familiar face to SF fans is Robin Williams [ Mork and Mindy, Fisher King ] as an unconventional psychiatrist. Search This Site
Fahrenheit 451 In the dark future according to Ray Bradbury , firemen will work in reverse; they will set fires [specifically to banned literature, ie to ALL books!] and slide UP their poles instead of down! Bradbury's world is a TV society, where the studios broadcast tons of mind-numbing crap to control the masses. Books are banned because society [ie the Government] is anti-escapism anti-vanity anti-individualism The excuse for banning books? Well, Salman Rushdie once said Freedom of Speach is freedom to offend. Since everyone objected about something, and Bradbury's society wanted to be equalitarian to the level of that in Kurt Vonnegut's Harrison Bergeron they banned all books and thus ensured there is no free press. The hero is a Fireman, who eventually learns to love the books he destroys. The ending seems to have inspired Running Man and brings a whole new dimension to the Schwarzenegger film.
Robocop 2 Irvin Kirshner directed Empire Strikes Back, which is in this reviewer's opinion the most overrated of the Star Wars series. Kirshner has done nothing else of note [except perhaps the Bond film Never Say Never Again ] and this piece is certainly not much to look at. Dan O'Herlihy is back as the CEO of OCP. Belinda Bauer takes over from Ronny Cox as the Corporate Villain while Tom Noonan [Last Action Hero] is the new gangster in town since Clarence Bodicker lost out. Although Frank Miller [The Dark Knight returns] was writer, this is just another typical hollywood sequel - they spent the extra budget on flashing lights and flashier SPFX.
Knight Rider 2000 David Hasselhof and Edward Mulhare are out of retirement in a futuristic city where gun control is enforced - and when you outlaw guns, only ther outlaws have guns! Mitch Pileggi [Skinner from X-Files ] is an illegal arms dealer with a booming business. Can the team get the now-dismantled KITT back together in time to save the day? The technician babes, Bonnie and April, are both gone - the new sidekick is a balding mustachioed accountant type. KITT himself is slightly surlier than this reviewer remembers; a nice touch in developing the character. Search This Site
Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea This film is older than it looks - it features Peter Lorre, who died around 1963. Like Seaquest DSV, this super-sub has a giant internal tank containing aquatic life-forms. But while Seaquest has a talking dolphin, this sub has man-eating sharks. And the only safety rail is knee-high, just tall enough to trip unwary passers-by!
Percy's Progress Percy [Leigh Lawson] is a super-stud who is caught committing adultery with Elke Sommer. He goes on the run and sails off on a yacht. Scientists Milo O'Shea [ Barbarella ] and Barry Humphries [Dame Edna Everage] discover that the chemical has evaporated to form rain, and has contaminated the world's water supply. The result - all human males have been rendered impotent! After over a year alone on the yacht, with nothing to drink but champagne, Percy needs some female company. He climbs ahore in South America where he bumps into aging journalist Bernard Lee [M in the James Bond films]. Bond Girl Madeline Smith pops up as a UK entrant into the Miss Procreation beauty pagent. Denholm Elliot and Vincent Price also appear in the film, in supporting roles. Search This Site
Freejack Emilio Estevez is a Formula One racing driver, and Rene Russo is his girlfriend. He is killed in a crash, and finds himself 20 years the future - a disutopia where he meets foul-mouthed nun Amanda Plummer. Estevez is pursued by bounty-hunter Mick Jagger, in the pay of Corporate sleazeball Michilette [rent-a-villain Jonathan Banks]. They want Estevez's body so they can transfer their boss's mind into it. Anthony Hopkins pops up as Russo's employer. Yes, she was chosen for the role because she could play a character who ages 20 years between her 2 appearances. Hopkins took this role just after playing Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs.
Loch Ness Ted Danson plays a scientist dispatched to the title Loch to find the fabled monster. He stays at the Guest House run by Joely Richardson and meets local Ian Holm [both Holm and Richardson are English, not Scots!]. The question is not Will he discover proof of the beast but rather, Can he bring himself to expose the beast and thus make the place a tourist destination? This of course is nonsensical - Scotland in general [and Loch Ness in particular] is dependant on tourist income; discovery of genuine proof of the monster's existence would be the best thing that could possibly happen to the place. Search This Site