ORBzine - UK TV Review: "Andromeda" April 2001

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 1] The Widening Gyre
Shown October 2001 [Monday]

We start up with a quick recap of our heroes' fates, then the intro credits. The original, inspiring voice-over and music have been replaced with a lacklustre [almost cheezy] version. Why the hell they did this, there can be no logical explanation. It can only be hoped that the rest of the Season doesn't deteriorate too.

Rommie and Trance kick ass, trying to save their men. Well, THE men. Apparently they had huge battle-bots all along, they just didn't use them because there were no pitched battles planet-side.

The ending sets up a minor story arc for the rest of the Season. How ironic that the Commonwealth was destroyed because it made a peace treaty with the Magog, and must now be revived to DEFEAT the Magog!

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 2] Exit Strategies
Shown October 2001 [Monday]

Kunt, Bekah, Tyr and BEM are on the Maru. They get chased by Nietzchein slavers, who have a bone to pick with Tyr, and crash-land on an ice-world. BEM has been fasting in penance for the Magog he killed last episode, and now he must find something to hunt and kill ...

Meanwhile, Trance, Rommie and Harper are trying to repair the Andromeda. Harper is in an extremely agitated state, and the two babes have to deal with the aftermath of the previous episode.

The director is TJ Scott, a veteran of Sorbo's show Hercules.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 3] A Heart For Falsehood Framed
Shown October 2001 [Monday]

Bekka gets ripped off by a thief, and bumps into a macho cop. They have chemistry together, but he's less than trustworthy. Bekka, Harper and Trance are planning to heist a Bug-Queen's gem from the Free Trader who illegally obtained it.

Kunt and Rommie try to keep peace negotiations going between the Free Trader and the Bug-Queen's people.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 4] As Pitiless As The Sun
Shown October 2001 [Monday]

Andromeda is visited by some Star Trek-type nonhumans, with a little bit of putty on their foreheads. The nonhumans come from a backwater world, where their trade ships are being attacked by a battleship of unknown origin. However, Kunt thinks that his new allies are untrustworthy.

Trance visits the allies' homeworld. She gets interrogated by William B. Davis ( X-Files ), who wants to know about her species. In the process, we learn that Trance has been hiding things from her pals. Of note, Davis talks like an Ulsterman, betraying his Canadian origins.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 5] Last Call At The Broken Hammer
Shown October 2001 [Monday]

Kunt and his team turn up at a desert tavern, looking for a female politician who tried to do what he is doing: to create a new Federation. However, the politician messed up and now a race of lizard-men are after her. The crew and the bar-room folks get besieged by the angry lizard folk.

For some reason Harper and Rommie are both absent from the episode. This is explained by them staying aboard Andromeda to continue repairs, although unusually there is no b-plot.

Typical of this kind of television battle, none of the bad guys surrenders or is taken prisoner. The good guys only inflict wounds that are instantly fatal. Also, strangely for the self-richeous Kunt, he allows a murderer to go free and unpunished!

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 6] All Too Human
Shown 12th November 2001 [Monday]

Andromeda tries to save a planet of AIs from a planet of humans who are collaborating with the Magog. We get a brief space battle, mostly on sensor screen readouts, while the core of the episode is an examination of the characters' humanity.

BEM, Tyr and Harper crash-land, and as life support fades Tyr wants to put Harper out of his misery. Not only did Harper overdose on his medication, he also neglected to repair the EVA suits. Unlike Star Trek, this episode allows us to see the characters in a very negative [and very human] light.

Rommie ( Lexa Doig. ), clad in a black trench-coat and looking sexier than ever, goes undercover on the human planet. She makes contact with a starship designer (Bruce Harwood, famous as one of the Lone Gunmen in X-Files ). The Security Agent on her tail is Roger R. Cross, the black guy from First Wave (and her lover in Continuum ).

This episode is a wonderful pastiche of The Matrix , directed by T.J. Scott (a veteran of Xena, Cleopatra 2525, Mutant X ). Ms Doig is far sexier than Carrie Anne Moss was in the movie, and it's nice to see the reverse of an AI hacker being chased by human Agents.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 7] Una Salus Victus
Shown 19th November 2001 [Monday]

Rev BEM sends an audio message to the Andromeda. He is on a planet where the population have fallen victim to a plague. Andromeda must escort a convoy of aid ships to the planet, through hostile Nietzchein territory, or the planet's population will die.

Kunt and Tyr are on the Nietzchein's base-world. Their plan is to infiltrate the enemy fortress and gain control of the orbital defence platforms. However, the Nietzcheins know they are there - and they are after Tyr because of what he stole from them.

One of the convoy ships goes missing, so Bekkah takes the Maru and goes to look for it. She winds up going head to head with a female Nietzchein fighter jock. They start to bond, but at the end of the day they must face each other as enemies.

Harper is left in charge of the Andromeda, crewed by Rommie and Trance.

The ending shows just how twisted and self-richeous Kunt has become. He is willing to use blackmail on a grand scale in order to get what he wants. Obviously he has forgotten the most important lesson he should have learned: the Confederacy can only exist if the members are willing.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 8] Home Fires
Shown 15th May 2002 [Wednesday]

Andromeda is practising military manoeuvers with the fish-people from Season One. Kunt receives a message from the past, from his wife ( Sam Sorbo ). Andromeda is then invited to visit the last Confederate planet, colonised by the survivors of Kunt's original crew and now ruled by Francoise Yip .

The world's population are split between those who want to join Kunt's new Confederacy, and the Isolationists who want to hide from the Magog. The leader of the isolationists is the reincarnation of Kunt's Nietzschein former best buddy and second-in-command. Yes, there are lots of flashbacks to the pilot episode, and Kunt gets the chance to sort out his issues. Also, the reincarnation theme is foreshadowing of the Drago Manzetti plot, part of the show's long-term story arc.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 9] Into the Labyrinth
Shown 22nd May 2002 [Wednesday]

Andromeda plays host to a diplomatic get-together for all the member-worlds of the new Confederacy. It is gatecrashed by Neitzchein Archduke Charlemagne Bolivar (James Marsters - Buffy the Vampire Slayer ).

Meanwhile, Harper is approached by a femme fatale. She is after the electronic archive he obtained in the episode Harper 2.0, and she has phase technology so she can remove his magog ...

Rommie spends most of her time acting jealous over the male crewmembers' success with women. Trance helps Harper, but she has her own agenda. We get yet more hints about her past ... And Rev Bem? He gets a mention, but does not appear.

There is a party on the ship, to celebrate the Commonwealth Treaty. They now have the 50 world they set as their target. Unfortunately, there is a Nietzschein spy aboard. Worse, some dimension-jumping Predator types gatecrash as well!

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 10] The Prince
Shown 29th May 2002 [Wednesday]

The ship is so powerful that apparently it can depopulate an entire M-Class planet in a few minutes. Wow, what lovely peaceful people the Confederacy were. It makes you wonder why they even went to the bother of inventing Nova Bombs. I mean, why destroy an entire solar system when you can merely commit genocide in five minutes, then keep the entire system and all its assets for yourself?

Tyr schemes very well. Kunt, while pretending to be a nice guy, is just waiting for a chance to be vicious. Bekka pops up briefly at the start, Trance does some med-bay work, but Harper and Bem are nowhere in sight.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 11] Bunker Hill
Shown 5th June 2002 [Wednesday]

Charlemagne's wife decides to start a war with the Drago-Kazov, and insists Kunt and his allies take part in it.

Harper gets a message from his cousin Brendan, back home in Boston, Earth. Brendan wants Harper to help him start a rebellion against the Drago-Kazov, who are enslaving Earth's population. Harper and Rommie head along to see what they can do. The battle itself consists mostly of extras in rags running around a dark set.

There are references to the American Revolution. However, there also seems to be a darker political influence at work. For example, one villain is named Cuchullain, while the so-called heroes are named Brendan and Seamas Harper. Obviously, such a pro-terrorism plot should never have been considered after 11th September 2001.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 12] Oruboros
Shown 12th June 2002 [Wednesday]

This episode marks the end of Robert Hewitt Wolfe's reign on the show - a show which he created! It is a jarring mis-match of both excellence and cheese.

The script was written by Wolfe himself. Harper's Magog parasites have grown immune to the medicine, so they must be removed immediately. Harper has designed a device to do this - a tesseract generator based on the ones used by the villains of a previous episode. He also calls up a couple of alien scientists, recurring characters, to help him do the deed. Unfortunately the machine causes severe disruptions of the space-time continuum!

The concept has been used in most other SciFi TV shows, and has a couple of obvious benefits. Firstly it allows the re-use of lots of old costumes, because one-off aliens and suchlike can be re-used. Secondly, it allows foreshadowing of the plot arc! Yes, it appears that Wolfe intended this episode as his equivalent of "Babylon Squared". However, Sorbo The Usurper used it as an excuse to make lots of changes. No, he didn't want to make the changes slowly, over an arc. He gets them over in one episode, so he can avoid anything that makes people think.

The most obvious changes are in the characters themselves. The episode starts with Rev Bem leaving. The character hasn't appeared in the last ten or so episodes, because the actor had severe allergic reactions to his make-up, so his leaving was inevitable. However, the other changes are both gratuitous and disturbing. For no apparent reason the android Rommie now has an extremely ugly blue wig. Also, Trance Gemini undergoes certain drastic changes. Losing her tail was bad enough - now she becomes a cliched and conventional character.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 13] Lava And Bullets
Shown 19th June 2002 [Wednesday]

This is the first real post-Wolfe episode, complete with the new credits sequence. The episode has a cheesy title, and a pretty cheesy plot too.

Dylan, pursued by some alien mercenaries, makes his getaway on a shuttle piloted by a blonde babe named Molly Noguchi ( Kristen Lehman ). The usual odd couple conversations and incidents occur. Tyr and Rommie try to track Dylan down, despite Rommie blaming Tyr for everything. Meanwhile, the new-look Trance tries to bond with Harper. Bekkah is in a couple of scenes, but is hardly in the ep at all.

If this is what the show will be like from now on, it is certainly not an improvement. The dialogue is terrible - used to provide character background rather than actual character development. Trance may have Xena 's costume, but Rommie has the wire-fu combat moves.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 14] Be All My Sins Remembered
Shown 26th June 2002 [Wednesday]

Bekka gets word that her old boyfriend (Costas Mandylor - Players), has died. She takes the Maru and goes to identify the body and claim her inheritance. Dylan and Harper come along for company. We get to see Bekka's ex through a series of flashbacks.

This may have been written by long-time show scribe Ethlie Ann Varie, but the signs of post-Wolfeism are abundant. The introduction sees Bekka and Tyr let their underlying sexual tension become disgustingly blatant. One of the guest-stars is a babe who walks about in an incredibly slutty outfit, complete with cleavage for the camera to peer down into. There's a girl-fight, though they wasted the opportunity to show clothing getting ripped off. The climax involves lots of wire-fu, with Hercules - err, Kunt - going hand-to-hand with a cyborg.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 15] Dance of the Mayflies
Shown 23-Feb-2002

Dylan risks the ship and crew to save some survivors from an attack by aliens. The Aliens have pulled out all the stops, deploying their entire fleet to wipe out the survivors. Too late, Dylan learns that the survivors are infected with a deadly parasite. Bekka starts to show symptoms. Yes, the price of Kunt’s good deeds is that he might lose his favourite blonde.

The parasite is previously unknown, although it turns out to be called The Boccor and has been around for fifty thousand years. Worse, its effect on Trance’s unknown physiology is unexpected. This leads on to a rather disappointing wire-fu fight between Trance and Rommie.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 16] In Heaven Now Are Three
Shown 02-Mar-2002

Bekka and Trance take Dylan on a quest to find a magical artefact. They leave Tyr to look after the ship, while Rommie and Harper do not even appear on screen. Apparently the technician took the android on an educational (not romantic?) week-long trip that we only hear about in passing. As a result, there is no B-plot this episode – the focus is squarely on Kunt, flanked by two babes.

They arrive in a remote jungle, following the interstellar equivalent of Chester Copperpot. There are pressure-pads with poison arrows, and scary natives with decorative feathers. Also, there is a team of rival treasure-hunters. The man is a control freak, the woman shoots from the hip, and the third one seems to be the same species as Trance Gemini!

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 17] The Things We Cannot Change
Shown 13-Apr-2002

Dylan takes the Maru too close to a black hole, and ends up sucked out into space. He wakes up in an alternate reality, where his crew are dead but he is married to a beautiful blonde woman. Is this a take on Roald Dahl’s Beware of the Dog?

Harper and Trance try to get the teleportation device working again. Tyr and Bekka try to rescue Dylan the old-fashioned way, with EVA suits.

At the heart of this, it is just a clip show. Apart from the flashbacks (including Hunt’s wife, played by the actor’s RL wife Sam Sorbo ) there is nothing of interest in the episode.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 18] The Fair Unknown
Shown 20-Apr-2002

Andromeda discovers an Alien ship which has had its entire crew slaughtered. Kunt is unwilling to let Bekka salvage any supplies, because there are dead bodies aboard, but is happy to destroy the entire ship to conceal the identity of the killer. After three centuries, a Vedran warrior has returned to the galaxy!

The Vedran is planning something. She is a Confederacy Admiral, and the Andromeda crew must help. She wants one of Kunt's nova bombs, the super-weapon powerful enough to destroy a solar system. Can he trust her with a weapon that can destroy a solar system?

The Andromeda crew also get some helpers to do skut-work on the ship.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 19] Belly of the Beast
Shown 27-Apr-2002

Kunt and Trance fly off in the Maru, answering a distress call from a pre-space civilisation. Their remote world is about to be eaten by a space-monster that returns every six thousand years. It is impressive that their civilisation recovers over such a time period, with records of the cataclysmic event but without the ability to contact FTL civilisations for help.

Of course, it turns out that the space-whale is real. Andromeda gets swallowed whole, because the crew mess around rather than staying well clear of it. The stomach acids mess up Andromeda’s sensors, knocking out the AI and putting Rommie the android into a feedback loop that renders her useless. Since the only other crew members are androids, equally vulnerable to Rommie, Harper is the only one who can save the day. Rommie and Bekka want to sacrifice themselves to fulfil Kunt’s mission, while Harper and Tyr want to survive.

If this all seems familiar, it is because Farscape already did this, so much better! Even the episode of Star Trek: Voyager was better than this – you know, the one where the crew are hypnotised by a psychic space-whale into thinking its mouth was a wormhole to Earth.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 20] The Knight, Death, and the Devil
Shown 04-May-2002

Kunt has heard a rumour of some High Guard ships held by Neitzscheins. The ships may be 300 years old, but they are more powerful than anything that humanoids have. Evidently only alien species have built warships or developed military technologies in the last three centuries. The key to rescuing the ships is an android (Michael Hurst – Hercules: The Legendary Journeys ) who knows the route into the prison area. Unfortunately, the camp’s senior officer (Christopher Judge – Stargate SG-1 ) regards the escapee as a traitor for not bringing a rescue team sooner. Can Kunt and Rommie rescue the ships? They bring the Maru, to avoid losing Andromeda to the enemy. After all, the Neitzscheins plan to use a device that can kill a ship’s AI, and then fly it on manual.

Kunt has delegated the Andromeda, and the signing of the fiftieth world to the Commonwealth charter, to Bekka and Harper. This is the most important event in history, because it will revive the Confederacy after three centuries of anarchy. Please note, creating the Confederacy is the most important thing in Kunt’s life, and for him to go off on another mission is to not only abandon his dream, it is (for a career military officer) to abandon his post. Unfortunately, the politician they have to convince into signing is a weasel who refuses to deal with minions. Since he obviously has no respect for Kunt’s decision, he cannot be trusted as a charter member. However, Bekka and Harper try using hi-tech methods to con the weasel into signing.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 21] Immaculate Perception
Shown 11-May-2002

Trance is off on vacation or something, but the crew manage to get by without her. Tyr brings kunt a new mission of mercy – preventing genocide. Small clans of Nietzscheins are being wiped out by the self-proclaimed Knights of Genetic Purity. Luckily they have a scifi-sounding nickname – the Genites. They use High Guard tech that is 303 years more advanced than the Andromeda. Yes, nobody rounds the years down to the nearest hundred, they always add on the three spare ones.

Tyr’s mission is personal – he wants to save his wife. When he first met her, she was a brunette who looked like Cobie Smulders , but now she is a big bouncy blonde. And Tyr discovers the fate of the child he never knew he had …

Yes, the Genites have heard of the Neitzschein prophecy of a genetic duplicate of Dargo Museveni. But will the child, who can unite the Neitzscheins under Tyr’s command, live long enough to endanger the new Confederacy that Kunt has built?

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode 22] The Tunnel at the End of the Light
Shown 18-May-2002

It is the end of the Season, so things have to end in a cliffhanger. That way, main characters can be easily killed off and replaced (just as the creator and showrunner, Robert Hewitt Wolfe , was replaced by Kevin Sorbo). But at least Kunt will get what he wants – the signing of the Confederacy Treaty.

Predictably, there is a saboteur aboard. But worse than that, there is a low-budget made-for-TV Predator clone. It can phase through walls, and is invisible to all Rommie’s sensors except the visual ones (when it is uncloaked, that is). Rommie tries to upgrade her sensor sweeps, but forgets about this as soon as it is suggested. A pity, it would have helped quite a bit.

Harper is assigned to keep the delegates entertained. This is more difficult than it seems, since the Jaguar Pride one is an Admiral (and an arrogant one at that).

Trance knows what is about to happen. But what she tells Kunt is confusing. First she tells him she has no idea where the alien invaders are coming from. Then she says that she and Bekkah crewed the Maru when they tried to destroy the aliens’ source.

Andromeda [Season 2, Episode ]
Shown

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