ORBzine - UK TV Review: "Andromeda" April 2001

Season 5

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 1] The Weight (1)
Shown 24 Sep 04

Kunt wakes up on a strange planet. A wise old man (Alan Scarfe - Seven Days ) is there to provide exposition. They are in a nine-planet star system called Seefra. Kunt recognises a nearby mountain, and realises where the world is.

The local town is ruled by a religious fanatic who preaches that tech is bad. Rhade is his hired thug, in a bad pastiche of Western movies.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 2] The Weight (2)
Shown 1 Oct 04

Beka wakes up on the Maru. She is captured by Scavengers who have commandeered Andromeda. They also captured an energy being they call The Core. Unfortunately Rommie is rude and unresponsive.

The head Scavenger seduces Beka with promises of power and wealth. Naturally, he tests her loyalty to Kunt.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 3] Phear Phactor Phenom
Shown 8 Oct 04

Someone unleashes a gas that combines fear pheromones and nanites. Kunt and his crew track the culprit to a prison guarded by genetic mutants. There is a workshop run by a beautiful woman, Doyle ( Brandy Ledford ) and a familiar face ...

Harper is back, but he has been trapped for three years and has reverted to his old, criminal ways. His new boss is a dark-haired version of Beka Valentine, although nobody comments on the resemblance.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 4] Decay of the Angel
Shown 15 Oct 04

Doyle ( Brandy Ledford ) is having nightmares - flashbacks to the former life that she did not know she had. Harper tries to keep things under control, but an interloper arrives. The newcomer claims to be helping Doyle, but he reveals her background and sets her against Harper.

In orbit, Andromeda’s sensors detect a slipstream point. Beka tries to fly the ship back to the point or origin, to see if escape from the Seefra system is possible. However, they just end up in more trouble ...

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 5] The Eschatology of Our Present
Shown 22 Oct 04

Beka uses the Maru to ship raw materials to Andromeda. She charges Kunt a fair rate, but she must pay protection money to the local star-cop.

The local radio station, an American Graffiti homage voiced by someone who sounds like Jim Byrnes ( Highlander: The Series ), plays a dedication to Beka Valentine. The song is the lullaby from her childhood. She tracks down the person responsible - Don S Davis ( Stargate SG-1 ), an alternate version of her father.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 6] When Goes Around...
Shown 29 Oct 04

The cantina has a new customer - or is she an old one? She knows what will happen before the events take place, but it turns out she is stuck in a time loop and nobody else remembers this. She has outlived the previous twenty bartenders, and started before the fall of the Commonwealth. The time loop must only reset for events that she was within a certain range of, or else the entire Universe would have reset itself and the Commonwealth would never have fallen.

Meanwhile, Harper takes time off from bar-tending to teach Doyle some jokes. She is too literal, and does not understand humour.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 7] Attempting Screed
Shown 5 Nov 04

Alan Scarfe ( Seven Days ), Kunt’s friend from the first episode of the Season, is back. He leaves his space shuttle parked in the middle of the dusty desert town’s main street. Suddenly there are two groups of gangsters in the town, and they decide to battle over the keys to the shuttle. Rhade and Doyle hire themselves out as muscle to the gangsters, while Harper acts as an honest broker between the two.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 8] So Burn the Untamed Lands
Shown 12 Nov 04

Doyle has a new outfit, noticeably cleavage-displaying rather than lift-and-separate. Kunt orders her to visit the Andromeda Ascendant to help Trance. However, the ship’s AI is unhappy to have the new version of the ship’s avatar aboard. Doyle still has Rommie’s built-in ability to operate some of Andromeda’s systems. This boils down to a battle of wills between the two as to who controls the ship’s light switches.

Kunt and Rhade go undercover at a remote mining settlement. The mine-owner, Matthew Bennett ( BSG 2003 ) wears the same scruffy clothes as everyone else, but his haircut is immaculate. He has discovered a next-generation power-source, which can herald a technological revolution in the star system and power Andromeda to Slipstream again. However, it must be mined by enslaving the local mutants, a violent bunch of thugs with poison-tipped blow-darts. Kunt’s morals are against this small sacrifice. He ignores the old Federation maxim of The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Of course, this runs contrary to his pro-technology view in the first episode of the Season. He thinks tech makes things better for people, but now he realises it comes at a cost (like Magic in Once Upon A Time ) he is not so keen on it.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 9] What Will Be Was Not
Shown 19 Nov 04

The Andromeda crew hang out in Harper’s bar, fighting with each other. It is all good slapstick fun, until Rhade blames Trance for getting everyone stuck there. She goes to visit Kunt, who is in orbit trying to get the Andromeda working single-handed. He does not have time for Trance either, so she goes off in a huff and starts wandering around the disused tunnel set from a couple of episodes ago.

Trance meets a homeless man who lives in the tunnels. He is deluded (he calls her a Princess), but he knows his way around the Vedran system. He has found doorways (and corresponding keys) that allow transit to the other worlds.

Kunt and Doyle go looking for Trance. They encounter a box of the magic power crystals from the previous episode. This could come in useful. After all, mining the crystals was evil and exploitative. However, handling stolen goods is perfectly acceptable. Such is the logic and morality of Kaptain Kunt!

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 10] The Test
Shown 7 Jan 05

A strange meteor emerges from the Abyss vortex. It crashes through Harper’s bar, and a creepy man in a trench-coat materialises and walks off. This is the high point of the episode.

A skinny, scruffy old homeless man is good enough at cards to beat Kunt. In all fairness, Kunt is relying on Trance for help - but cheaters never prosper. The old man offers Harper a deal for a supply of clean water, but then dies mysteriously. The stranger blames Kunt and his former crew, and stages an Inquisition.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 11] Through a Glass Darkly
Shown 14 Jan 05

Rhade is on Seefra Five, fighting a genocidal warlord. What nobody mentions is that a Warlord’s militia is generally the defence force of a specific community, So if the Warlord is killed and the militia destroyed then that community will probably be genocided itself. So Rhade is as much part of the problem as he is part of the solution.

A tesseract opens, and a Perseid falls out. He is an old friend of Harper’s, so the two of them start building an new science experiment. In theory it can boost them out of the pocket universe. Instead, it has an unexpected effect on Seefra’s twin suns.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 12] Pride Before the Fall
Shown 21 Jan 05

This is the 100th episode of the show. Traditionally this is a jump-the-shark moment, although this show actually began its decline two and a half Seasons earlier. It starts with Kevin Sorbo addressing the camera in a break-the-fourth-wall monologue, and ends with a meagre selection of out-takes.

Bekka has another new love interest - Lochlyn Munro ( Jason Vs Freddy ). Unfortunately, like most guest stars he turns out to have a secret agenda.

The villain of the week sabotages the Maru with Bekka aboard, and then takes Rhade out of the equation as well. Unfortunately for him, his main plan seems to be to let Kunt use him as a punch-bag.

The twist is the identity of the villain of the week - and more importantly, the discovery of what he did with Bekka’s DNA. It turns out that he was a time-traveller from the distant past, from long before Kunt’s time.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 13] Moonlight Becomes You
Shown 28 Jan 05

Trance goes walkabout again. She discovers a funfair where one of the Carnie acts is advertised as a Sun God. As she is the avatar of a sun, her interest is piqued. She recognises the young man involved - a heavily made-up Warren Christie ( Alphas ). Unfortunately, she also falls foul of his lady manager.

Elsewhere, Harper leads Doyle, Bekka and Rhade on a treasure hunt. They want to find the secret underground training school that the Vedrans built for protectors of the Avatars of the stars. Yes, apparently they knew about Trance’s race all along, but never told anyone ... except whoever told Harper and the others. Bekka and Rhade gets trapped in a vault filled with hallucinogenic gas, and are tested by visions of their greatest fears.

Doyle gets herself injured, and Harper must strip her to repair her. Off-screen, of course. And to return the favour, she ties him in a sack and verbally abuses him. This is unfair to say the least - Bekka and Rhade got trapped because of their own greed, not Harper’s. Doyle is lucky to have Harper around.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 14] Past Is Prolix
Shown 4 Feb 05

Andromeda detects a new source of gravity and radiation in the system. The Vedran sun, of which Trance Gemini is the avatar, is trying to reappear. Unfortunately this will destroy the planetary system.

Rhade is flying shotgun with Bekka. He is deeply uncomfortable with her new status, as revealed a couple of episodes previously.

Harper’s bar has some unwelcome visitors. The first is a former owner, who wants the bar back - or at least some help from Harper. The second is a warlord with a gang of outlaws, looking for the first visitor. Harper takes the former owner to hide with the homeless guy in the tunnels. However, the greedy moron (not Harper, the other guy) makes off with the Vedran crystals that are keys to the interplanetary transit system. Harper and Kunt must recover the keys ...

Luckily, Kunt is a superhero who can defeat anyone in hand-to-hand combat. Unless the plot demands otherwise, in which case he is weak and easily captured. And what about his high moral standards? How many prisoners has he taken lately, if ever?

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 15] The Opposites of Attraction
Shown 11 Feb 05

Trance’s sun is forcing its way into the Seefra star system. It is entering through a tiny tesseract, so there is a chance it can be stopped or at least slowed.

A blonde woman materialises - yes, one of Kunt’s former love-interests. It turns out that she was the avatar of the black hole that the Andromeda was trapped in for 300 years. Well, if suns have avatars it makes more sense for black holes to have them than it does for moons. Unfortunately, she turns out to be a bit of a bunny-boiler.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 16] Saving Light from a Black Sun
Shown 18 Feb 05

Trance’s sun is forcing its way into the Seefra star system.

It turns out that the local radio DJ, a sort of Wolfman Jack from American Graffiti, is a Trance Gemini from another reality. Or something. But the alternate Trance is not as nice as this one, and lures the crew into traps.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 17] Totaled Recall
Shown 8 Apr 05

Kunt gets poisoned with a toxic substance while working on the exotic matter generator with Harper. He has a vision of being taken to the surgical bay, and then has a fist fight with a grim reaper (Kevin Durand - The Strain ).

After the credits, Kunt wakes up but does not remember who Trance is. He finds himself jumping through different time zones and realities, trying to solve the Grim Reaper's riddle.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 18] Quantum Tractate Delirium
Shown 15 Apr 05

Trance’s sun is still forcing its way into the Seefra star system. Bekka and Rhade use the Maru to evacuate Seefra Nine.

Kunt’s plan is to get all the refugees aboard the now powered-up Andromeda, then go to FTL and escape the system. Unfortunately the ship’s AI refuses to allow a slipstream jump since they have no coordinates. Kunt tries to override the AI, but he cannot do it unless the ship has a functioning robot avatar. Back when Harper first built Rommie as the ship’s avatar, it seemed like an original idea. In later episodes it was retrofitted that all High Guard warships had an avatar. But now it is built into the ship’s core functioning!

Harper refuses to try to rebuild Rommie again, citing the bad experience he had last time. Doyle ( Brandy Ledford ) tries to do it, and the result is what one would expect. Rommie ( Lexa Doig ) ends up looking like a cut-price Seven of Nine ( Jeri Lynn Ryan ), complete with borg face-implant and incredible cleavage. Yes, Ms Doig was written out of the show because of her pregnancy, and this episode provides the proof.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 19] One More Day's Light (1)
Shown 22 Apr 05

Kunt is still resettling refugees on Seefra One. The peasants are revolting - but then, aren’t they always? Kunt makes sure everyone understands this is not a democracy - he picks out the toughest protester, then has his killer robots (Rommie and Doyle) beat the poor guy up.

A Nietzschein raiding party has somehow appeared, and is en route to Seefra Five. This is not a problem, since it has been abandoned (prime territory for looters, then) Bekka is sent to intercept them and return them to wherever they came from. Nobody says it aloud, but if they found a way into the system then they can find a way out. But will they believe Bekka’s unsubstantiated assertion that she is the donor of all mitochondrial Nietzschien DNA?

Rhade and Harper get sent to Seefra Five to save defectors from a religious cult. Harper gets stuck trying to repair the tesseract doorway, while Rhade goes off on a one-man rescue mission.

To be continued ...

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 20] Chaos and the Stillness of It (2)
Shown 29 Apr 05

Kunt and Rhade enter the imploding space station as it gets sucked into the new Sun. Wow, with scientific realism like this, who needs Sunshine ? [/sarcasm]

Trance finally gets to face off against her evil twin. For a battle between avatars of stars, this is quite underwhelming.

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 21] The Heart of the Journey (1)
Shown 6 May 05

Kunt’s crew finish the relocation of the last refugees. Unfortunately, some of them are unhappy with being dumped in an overcrowded desert with no natural resources. Since we had the revolting peasants pun in a review of a previous episode, let’s just say that Kunt’s tactics have not improved. Kunt makes sure everyone understands this is not a democracy - his killer robots (Rommie and Doyle) picks out the toughest protester (Ty Olssen - Supernatural ), then beat the poor guy up. Cobie Smulders also objects - she is sweltering under a bad wig - but does not get beaten up by Kunt. Yes, women (or woman-shaped kill-bots) beating up a male is okay, but not a man punching a woman in the face. Nice to see they have standards.

Trance’s people summon her to a sit-down. Kunt tags along, and as he is the last Paradime (a Universe-old superhero) nobody objects. The other star avatars all look like Trance, although when their stars implode and become black holes they must presumably change to look like Kunt’s blonde wife. The exception is the leader ( Emanuelle Vaugier ), who tells Kunt her plan to stop the Abyss. It involves destroying all three galaxies, although in a compromise she offers to spare what is left of the Seefra system. Kunt refuses - probably the only smart decision he has made this Season. Instead, he persuades her to send Andromeda back to the Confederacy.

Kunt’s boss tells him that the Magog Worldship survived the battle, and that the Confederacy is gathering its fleet for a final battle. Despite this, Kunt’s crew start to desert him. Rhade goes off with his wife and kids. Harper does not have a wife, merely two sexy robots that will not have sex with him, so he decides to go home and live in his mother’s basement on Earth.

Strangely, Kunt’s boss and Rhade’s wife are played by the same actors who played revolting peasants at the start of the episode. Olssen and Smulders were bit-part players at the time, although lately their successful careers have made them much easier to spot. However, none of the Andromeda crew comment on the cast-doubling, so we are left to wonder ...

Continued next week!

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode 22] The Heart of the Journey (2)
Shown 13 May 05

Andromeda [Season 5, Episode ]
Shown

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