ORBzine - Movie Reviews January 2002
Suspiria
This is an eerie schlock-horror effort by Italian gore-meister
Dario Argento
. Although made in 1976, it is not at all dated.
The actors are virtually unknown,
the dialogue has been dubbed into English,
but that is not why you watch this film.
No, the reason to watch this film is the tangible feeling of suspense
and the horrific murder scenes.
A young ballerina goes to live in a posh Dance School. She uncovers dastardly goings on - it seems the school is infested with a coven of evil witches, and they are bumping off witnesses to their evil deeds.
What is the modern Hollywood version of this? Urban Legends: Final Cut ? Bah!
Meet Joe Black
This film was very successful in the cinema,
but only because people went to see the trailer to
Star Wars I: Phantom Menace
rather than the movie itself.
They got value for money, though -
when you consider that TPM's trailer was better than TPM itself!
A rich businessman (Anthony Hopkins - Hannibal ) is doomed to die. The Grim Reaper (Brad Pitt - Fight Club ) appears in the guise of a man named Joe Black, intent on claiming Hopkins' soul. However, he falls in love with Hopkins daughter ( Claire Forlani ).
The Dark (1993)
Stephen McHattie (
X-Files
) plays a lone biker who rescues a blonde waitress from rednecks
and takes her to the graveyard of a remote Canadian town.
He is hunting a species of giant carnivorous rodent -
a rat the size of ... a man in a hairy suit!
The rat-man is carniverous, and starts chewing on the locals. A small band of survivors, including a female sheriff's deputy ( Neve Campbell ) try to track it down. If they capture it alive, it will be priceless to medical science.
A psychotic ex-FBI agent (Brion James - Blade Runner ) is also after the animal. However, he will kill it - and any humans who get in his way.
Phantoms
Rose McGowan
and her sister drive home to a remote town in the Rocky Mountains.
They find the town deserted except for a few bodies and body parts.
Their only hope is the sheriff (Ben Affleck -
Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back
) and his deputy (Liev Schreiber -
Scream 2
).
This is based on a novel by Dean R. Koontz , who exec-produced and wrote the screenplay. It does not rely on SPFX, as many small-town horror films do, but instead manages to create an air of psychological terror.
The US Government calls in a controversial scientist (Peter O'Toole - Man of La Mancha ) to help. They send him into the town, along with a group of bio-suited doctors and soldiers. Of course, the monster starts to knock them off, one by one ...
Hellraiser 2: Hellbound
This takes off where the first film left off.
The pre-credits sequence is the climax of the first film,
which indicates what direction this movie will take.
More Hollywood SPFX, less
Clive Barker
creepiness.
The teenage girl who was the first film's protagonist is now in a psychiatric ward. We get flashback clips from the original, although the story has been transported to the USA!
Her psychiatrist has a secret obsession with the puzzle boxes, and brings the Evil Stepmother back from the dead. The central characters get sucked into the Cenobites' Hell Dimension, where Uncle Frank puts in another appearance.
Pinhead's pre-Cenobite existence is explored, and we get to see Doug Bradley without the makeup. As the use of SPFX intensifies, a Cenobite launches a coup against Pinhead!
Cronos
This is a Mexican horror film directed by
Guillermo Del Toro
. Do not be put off by the fact it is from Mexico -
it is not one of those modern-day westerns like
From Dusk Til Dawn
. However, it is partly in Spanish (with subtitles).
Centuries ago a Spanish alchemist built a device that would give him eternal life - the Cronos device. However, he was killed in an earthquake in Mexico City in the 1940s. His belongings were sold off, and the Cronos device was never found ...
An old antiques dealer discovers a golden scarab inside a wooden statue of an archangel. The scarab is clockwork, and when activated it injects him. He starts to get younger.
Ron Perlman ( Alien Resurrection ) buys the statue on behalf of his employer, a rich dying Howard Hughes type who wants the Cronos device for himself. Once they discover the dealer has the device, they start to get nasty. Of note, the villains speak in English most of the time.
King Kong vs Godzilla
Two giant monsters, Godzilla and King Kong,
are closing in on Tokyo.
The authorities evacuate the city and manage to drive off Godzilla.
However, King Kong gets through the perimeter and does what he does best:
destroy a train, kidnap a beautiful woman
and camp out on top of the tallest building he can find.
The Japs capture King Kong, and use helium balloons and steel cables (which should cut into him like cheese-wire, but who cares?) they airlift him to where Godzilla is. Then the two giants battle it out.
Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
Kristen (
Patricia Arquette
) is living on Elm Street, haunted by strange dreams.
After an attack by Freddy she is put in an asylum where Nancy (
Heather Langenkampf
) and Max (Laurence Fishburne -
Event Horizon
) are working.
The hospital authorities, confronted with a group of teenage patients apparently prone to self-mutilation and night terrors, treat them with verbal abuse and sedatives! Luckily a ghostly nun pops up to give helpful advice. Also, Kristen is psychic and can pull other people into her dreams.
The film actually makes an effort to be scary, rather than the jokey crap that passed for the sixth film in the series. Wes Craven is relegated to Executive Producer, while Rachel Talalay has been promoted to Line Producer.
Zsa Zsa Gabor has a cameo as one of Freddy's victims, while John Saxon pops up to duel Freddy's skeleton in a scene reminiscent of Jason & The Argonauts .
Face/Off
When the script was originally sent to Director
John Woo
it was blatantly Science Fiction.
He decided that because the story had such strong characterisation
it was not necessary to have the film be set in the future.
However, certain Science Fiction aspects still remain.
A freelance terrorist, Castor (Nicholas Cage - Peggy Sue Got Married ), botches the assassination of his arch-enemy FBI Agent Sean Archer (John Travolta - Broken Arrow ) and accidentally kills Archer's son. Several years later Archer's team captures Castor. However, Archer has to go undercover in a futuristic h-tech prison. To do this he has a face transplant with Castor, even though they are of different blood groups!!!
Things go badly wrong for Archer. Castor takes his identity, and each must see how the other lives. Castor must play husband to Archer's wife ( Joan Allen ) and father to their daughter. Meanwhile, Archer is left with Castor's best friend (Nick Cassavettes - Twogether ) and girlfriend ( Gina Gershon ). It turns out that the crook is better at Archer's life than the original, while Archer himself learns that criminals are people too.
Predator
South America, 1988, and CIA Agent Carl Weathers hires Arnold Schwartzenegger (
Terminator
) and his mercenary band for a rescue mission.
Together with Bill Duke (Commando), Jesse Ventura (
Batman & Robin
), Richard Ironhorse (
War of the Worlds
) and Shane Black (writer of Long Kiss Goodbye),
they trudge through the jungles in search of an enemy camp.
En route they discover the corpses of several Green Berets,
strung up and skinned by person or persons unknown.
Soon the hunters become the hunted.
John McTiernan ably directed this, basically an upgraded version of Southern Comfort. Like many action films this spawned a sequel - but because this is a monster movie rather than an action/adventure franchise, the sequel centres around the villain!
Space Opera
Space Truckers
Dennis Hopper (
Texas Chainsaw Massacre II
) plays a space trucker who falls foul of Space Cop George Wendt (Cheers).
Hopper gets out of town (well, Space Station) ASAP, and gives a lift to waitress
Debi Mazar
and rookie Stephen Dorff (
Blade
). They get boarded by a gang of pirates led by hideously disfigured Charles Dance,
aboard an interstellar passenger lined the size of a Star Destroyer!
The truckers are towing a mysterious cargo. It is equipped with an automated turret probably designed to take on armoured spacesuits and starfighters, but the pirates take it on with hand-weapons! The container turns out to be loaded with bio-robotic killing machines ...
Unlike the average space comedy this has great SPFX and some passable action scenes. It was filmed in Dublin, but the only way you would know is because one of the Space Cops has a very strong Dublin accent. Stuart Gordon directs - he has done nothing much else, but he does a decent enough job here.
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
This takes place directly after the end of the previous film.
Our heroes make a detour to the Planet Vulcan in their cloaked Klingon ship,
just long enough to drop off Lieutenant Saavik (
Robin Curtis
). THen they fly back to Earth so they can stand trial for disobeying orders.
However, Earth is under attack from unknown superpowerful aliens,
and only Kirk's ship is close enough to save the world.
The plot smacks of 1980s environmentalism. The aliens speak the language of whales, but since whales are extinct on Earth then Kirk's crew must go back in time and retrieve some. They end up in, predictably enough, the year 1988. SciFi time travel always lands futuristic people in the 20th Century.
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
On the planet Nimbus III in the Neutral zone,
a renegade Vulcan named Cybock has raised an army of brigands
and converted them to his religious crusade.
The planet's Romulan, Klingon and Federation representatives
(including David Warner -
TMNT II
) pop up to give some expositionary dialogue
before getting captured and held hostage.
Our aging heroes come to the rescue in their new ship - which is prone to mechanical failure. The Klingons are in the area too, out for revenge against Kirk. Worse, Cybock is expecting them. He wants to hijack the Enterprise and travel to a remote part of the galaxy so he can meet ... God.
It is said that the odd-numbered Trek films are inferior to the even-numbered ones. Certainly, parts of the film jar with accepted Trek lore. Uhuru ( Nichelle Nichols ) dances a sexy fan dance to distract the enemy, and it is implied that she had a relationship with Scotty.
This was directed and co-written by William Shatner himself, and as a result it is a bit self-indulgent. The ending is a face-off between Kirk and God. However, Kirk's confrontation with Cybock is a wonderful piece of theatre - far superior to a similar scene in Generations between Picard and Soran.
Mimic Franchise
Mimic
A beautiful young scientist (
Mira Sorvino
) creates and releases a breed of genetically engineered cockroaches
with the chameleon-like ability to mimic their prey.
Her mentor, F Murray Abraham (
Last Action Hero
) warns her that there may be unexpected and horrific consequences.
A couple of years later Sorvino discovers that her creations may have survived and evolved. Human-sized cockroaches are infesting the subways. Sorvino's husband, Jeremy Northam ( The Net ), is a CDC investigator. He and his sidekick (Josh Brolin - Planet Terror ) go down to investigate, helped by a transport cop (Charles S. Dutton - Alien 3 ).
This film came out around the same time as the similar big-studio monster movie The Relic , but has a much more disturbing feel to it. Director Guillermo Del Toro is like a modern-day David Cronenberg , with a love of oozing monstrosities packaged up in a big-budget masterpiece. The monsters are a mix of grotesque puppetry and somewhat dated CGI, which is well concealed by the film's dark, subterranean lighting. The characters are well fleshed-out - most of them, anyway - and we actually care about them. But since Del Toro is outside the Hollywood mainstream he is happy enough to actually kill off children on-screen.
Mimic 3: Sentinel
This is set in New York City,
but it was filmed on the cheap in Romania.
The other big red flag is that it was written and directed by one person,
which is always a bad sign when it comes to movies.
The protagonist is a bubble boy (Karl Geary - ), a survivor of the disease mentioned at the start of the first film. He lives in a seedy appartment block with his sister ( Alexis Denizia ), and spends all day spying on neighbours like the girl across the way ( Rebecca Mader ). Yes, this is an updated version of Hitchcockian thriller Rear Window. Sort of, that is. Instead of an old-fashioned telescope he uses a camera on a tripod. But because this film was made in the year 2003, it is an old Twentieth Century film camera with film as opposed to a Twenty-First Century digital one.
Our hero thinks he saw someone get attacked by one of the Judas Breed - a species of man-sized giant cockroach. He calls the cops, but the police detective is more interested in debriefing the boy's mother ( Amanda Plummer ). As a result, bubble boy has to get his sister and the girl next door to investigate. Things are certainly livened up by the surprise appearance by Lance Hendricksen ( Aliens ). Presumably the film-makers could not afford to pay him to spend a longer period in Romania.
The problem with the film is that it is badly paced. The start is too slow, nothing much happens in the Second Act, and the climactic Third Act comes out of nowhere.
Fantasy Films
The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm
Once upon a time in a faraway land called Germany
there were a couple of brothers, Wilhelm and Jacob Grimm.
They were scholars and writers of history books.
However, they had an interest in fairy tales.
This movie tells the story of them coming to the decision
of writing down a series of Germanic folk stories,
and publishing them in the books that made the Brothers Grimm famous.
The Grimms' story is intertwined with the fairy tales themselves. The SPFX is mainly claymation, completely inferior to that of Ray Harryhausen .
The younger Grimm is in a romance with Barbara Eden . His brother manages to mess up an important commission, then contracts a strange illness. Can our heroes overcome the odds?
Siege of the Saxons
An Aging King Arthur defends England from the Saxons.
Odd, since it was the Anglo-Saxons who FOUNDED the State of England!
Bored by peace negotiations with the Saxons,
Arthur and his entourage head off to a castle in the forest.
En route they encounter a Robin Hood type called Robert Marshall,
who acts as the hero of the story.
There are numerous other anachronisms -
the castles and costumes are all medieval,
while the Saxons wear helmets with horns!
The villains wipe out Arthur and his friends. Robin - err, Robert - and Arthur's daughter escape and seek out Merlin (John Laurie - Dad's Army). There is even some save-the-day magic - the secret of Excalibur.
This was produced by Charles H. Scheer, responsible for the Ray Harryhausen films, and filmed at Bray Studios (base of the Hammer Horror company).