ORBzine TV Review - "Mortal Kombat: Conquest" August 2000
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Yes, after 2 predictable films [based on a bloody VIDEO GAME!] we now get a TV show. The cast are not B-list stars, as before - they're non-entities. Of course, they don't have to be; it is the stunt-doubles who do all the fighting. Out of the entire cast of Mortal Kombat 2, the only one to have any kind of a career is Ray Park. That was his first role, where he was a stunt double: since then he has done The Producers include Robert Friedman, who worked as a Producer on Xena Kung Lao [the hero] defeats Sheng [the villain's henchman]. As punishment, Sheng is sent to labour in the cobalt mines. However, he plots to escape and avenge himself on Kung Lao. Kung Lao's choice is simple: train more warriors to defend Earth Realm, or retire and live a normal life. Kung Lao wants to marry the Baron's daughter. However, the Baron will not allow daddy's little girl to wed a penniless monk. Kung Lao tries to elope with the girl ... Meanwhile, the girl's bodyguard has a love-hate relationship with a thief-girl called Taja [ Kristanna Loken ] he captured ... In the second episode [part 2 of the Pilot] the female thief shows fighting ability.
The 3 heroes set up home together, a la Friends. But the villain sends a secret order of Assassins after them ... This episode introduces Sub-Zero. . .
This episode introduces Omegis [ Angelica Bridges ], an immortal witch-woman who takes on the guise of a Baywatch babe! . .
Shao Khan, evil Emperor of Outworld, is worried about plotters against him. The Essense, a mystical item looted from a conquered realm, has been taken from his control and hidden in Earth Realm. Princess Kitana travels to Earth to move the Essense before Shao Khan recaptures it. Meanwhile, in Earth-Realm Taja and the 2 guys get sweaty ... in a sauna. They learn not to trust strangers.
The moral of the story is that pride cometh before the fall. Siro seeks help to become the Ultimate Warrior - he meets a bisexual tarot reader and her lesbian handmaiden, both dressed in skimpy swimsuits. However, the 2 babes plot to liberate the title character, an African-American Ninja with the supernatural power of being an oil-slick.
The heroes are victims of an extortion attempt by a mafia-type organisation called the Black Dragon. The leader is the babelicious Jola, who wears tied-back hair and black roll-neck sweater. She makes a deal with her ex-lover, the arch-villain Sheng Sung, then lets her hair down and dresses in a skimpy miniskirt and leather bra. Another notable change is in the fight scenes: the skinny model-type babe becomes a beefy thunder-thighed stunt-double.
Taja has a vision of her father. Unfortunately she is kidnapped by arch-villain Sheng Sung, and imprisoned with him in the cobalt mines of Outworld. Vorpax [ Tracey Douglas ], Sheng Sung's female sidekick, is duplicitous as ever. Taja tries to locate her father, who is also a prisoner in the mines. Meanwhile, Siro and Kung Lao try to track her down. They discover she has a BF called Stefan.
Kung Lao is mugged by 3 babes in leather bikinis. These Charlie's Demons put the 3 heroes under a spell that brings out the worst in their personalities. Jaime Prestley [Poison Ivy 3] pops up. Siro is a drunken lech, who gets beaten up by the only frigid tavern wench ever seen. Taja is a kleptomaniac, stealing from comrades and corpses. Kung Lao becomes paranoid, obsessed with revenge. Luckily for them, Raiden the friendly Thunder God is willing to help out.
Sheng Sung teams up with the Lord of Death, who was humiliated in battle by our heroes in a prior episode. Jennifer Renton pops up as token babe. Taja keeps flirting with Siro - then he wins a bet with her when he defeats her in a fight. She is his slave for 24 hours, and he makes her wash his feet. Kung Lao has visions of his dead GF
Scorpion is training an army in Earth Realm. Siro and Kung Lao cannot find anyone worth training. Siro is visited by his ex-GF, who left him for his brother. Now the brother has gone missing ... The ex-GF and Taja make friends, and discuss Siro. Will Taja eventually sleep with the poor lunk? Of note, the episode was directed by Reza Badiyi, veteran of the Mission: Impossible TV show.
The Emperor sends out a lightning-powered Ninja with orders to kill Kung Lao. His second assassin is Melina, who looks like a vampire in Buffy . He uses sorcery to make her look like Princess Kitana ... Sheng Sung has to save Kung Lao's life: the only thing that is keeping the Outworld champion alive is the fact he has to face the Earthworld champion! Luckily the pleasures of Earthworld are too seductive for Melina ... Siro spends most of the episode off-camera, chasing the Ninja. Raiden pops up at the end to give Kung Lao a telling off for thinking with his groin.
A young fighter called Tomas arrives at the trading post and claims he is a Mortal Kombat fighter. They give him a test. Tomas and Siro start fighting on a full stomach, without taking an hour to let their dinner settle. They start full-contact sparring without even a warm-up. Siro's GF Magda tells him that her best friend was murdered. It looks like Tomas is the obvious culprit. However, Taja wants to date him ... The Emperor of Outworld is behind the plot, using both the babelicious Tracy Douglas and a new warrior called Reptile. We also get to see a martial artist go up against a WWF wrestler type.
A travelling show comes to town - the Festival of Death, led by Kitana's duplicitous aide Kali. However, the show is a front for brutal fighting matches. Vorpax [ Tracy Douglas ] discovers the truth ... Quan Chi is building an undead army. Meeka, his personal slave [blonde hair, leather bikini] is on hand to do the dirty work. Kung Lao trains a lady friend of his - Lori [ Brook Burns ], a volumptuous blonde in a string bikini. She wants to become a professional fighter, and thinks she has what it takes to compete in the matches.
The Emperor, Shao Khan, decides to have Kung Lao killed. He sends two of the best killers - Scorpion and Sub-Zero. However, their hatred for each other is greater than their hatred of Kung Lao. The Earthworld team try to find their enemies' weaknesses by tracking down the people they knew before they served Shao Khan. Unfortunately, Scorpion has the same idea and sends his ninjas to attack Sub-Zero's family.
A band of female warriors break into the Cobalt mines and take Sheng Sung off as a prisoner. Vorpax [ Tracey Douglas ] shows her true allegience. The shield maidens, led by Queen Kreeya [ Fabiana Udendo - Austin Powers ], want to defeat Shao Khan and take over Outworld. Kreeya offers an alliance to Earthrealm's warriors. Can they trust her?
The vengeful Vorpax [ Tracey Douglas ] unleashes the sorceror/sifu who taught Sheng Sung. He hunts down his pupil and mortally wounds him. The dying Sheng Sung calls on his lost love, the witch Omegis [ Angelica Bridges ]. However, she also wants him dead - he dumped her in favour of his career. This show has given the viewers quite a few interesting twists over the last few weeks, despite the fact it's basically a punch-up martial arts show. The characters show a lot more depth than most TV characters do, especially the villains.
Kreeya makes a deal with Reptile. She tries to set up more hives in Earth Realm - our heroes try to stop her, with the aid of gunpowder bombs and the Noob Saibad lesbians. . .
The Evil Emperor pits Quan Chi and his three sluts against Sheng Sung. Siro and Taja get caught in the middle of the villains' private war, and we finally see them work out their sexual tension. Well, sort of. . .
Kreeya [ Fabiana Udendo ] is still at war with Outworld. Her daughter Vorpax [ Tracey Douglas ] is still scheming, as untrustworthy as ever. She plots with our 3 heroes, but also has plans for Sheng Sung. . .
Siro catches a thief - Kathleen Kinmont [Renegade], a friend of Taja's. She leads the heroes to a hidden city that worships a mysterious god, Shaka. Kung Lao has visions of the Outworld Emperor, Shao Khan, along with some SPFX exerpts from the movie Mortal Kombat 2: Annihilation. . .
Finally, the evil Emperor of Outworld gets his revenge. One by one his Shadow Priests knock off the regular characters, with Raiden and his 3 stooges left to the last. . . .
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Mortal Kombat: Conquest [Season 1, Episode 1-2]
Warrior Eternal
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