ORBzine - Movie Reviews April 2002


A Knight In Camelot

Whoopee Goldberg plays a scientist who accidentally time-travels back to Camelot. Yes, this is yet another terrible adaption of Mark Twain's A Connecticutt Yankee In The Court Of King Arthur, this time filmed in Hungary.

King Arthur (Michael York - ) is a naive fool, with Camelot his ivory tower. For some reason he is supposed to be King of the Angles. Guinivere ( Amanda Donahoe ) and Merlin (Nigel Hawthorne - Demolition Man ) are cast in a somewhat villainous light, but there is no real overall villain to the film. Yes, there is a cliched eeeevil Knight of the Round Table who favours Prima Nocta, and a teenage squire who wants the man brought to justice. But beyond this soap-opera melodrama and some Whoopee slapstick there is very little to this film.

  • Search This Site
  • Knight Rider 2010

    Futuristic Los Angeles, and evil Brion James ( Blade Runner, Enemy Mine ) is boss of a Virtual Reality company. His top executive is Hannah - a pre-Callisto Hudson Leick , who does not get to display her incredible screen presence and instead comes off as just another model-turned-actress. She does get a couple of good lines, but is otherwise wasted.

    Hannah is assigned to make a VR game based on a Han Solo wannabe, a smuggler who drives monster trucks across the desert. He is also Hannah's ex-lover, and the movie's protagonist. This leads on to the main part of the film - lots of Mad Max style car chases across a post-apocalyptic desert. The only link to the Knight Rider TV show is when one character becomes an AI that controls a fast car. Hmm.

  • Search This Site
  • Urban Legend

    A female student drives home from Pendleton University. Her car runs out of fuel, she has a creepy encounter with creepy Brad Dourif ( Alien: Resurrection ), and finally meets the predictable slasher-movie ending.

    The action then moves to her University, attended by Tara Reid, Alicia Witt, Rebecca Gayhart , frat-boys Joshua Jackson (Dawson's Creek) and Michael Rosenbaum ( Smallville ), and journalist Jared Leto. Professor Robert Englund ( Nightmare on Elm Street ) teaches a class about Urban Legends.

    Ms Witt soon works out that a serial killer is bumping off her friends in the manner of Urban Legends. Dean John Neville ( Fifth Element ) covers up the killings.

    This is basically just a clone of the film Scream . However, because it shares Scream's post-modern cynicism about the slasher-horror genre it is still superior to recent films such as Cherry Falls and Valentine .

  • Urban Legends 2: Final Cut
  • Search This Site
  • Inferno (1998)

    Sanchezís banker from Licence To Kill is a teacher in downtown Los Angeles. He is also a part-time reservist in the US National Guard, so when the Sun has a massive coronal mass ejection that threatens to fry the planet he is called up and sent to patrol the streets. The local African-American folk stereotypes are lucky that an educated white male stereotype is around to save them from themselves. Unfortunately, his superior officer (Fredric Lehne - American Horror Story: Asylum ) is the evil version of the white male stereotype.

    Elsewhere, James Remar ( Shannara Chronicles ) is a trauma surgeon whose licence was suspended. He teams up with a Baywatch-style lady lifeguard who is being stalked by her grease-monkey ex-BF, crooked mechanic Anthony LaPaglia ( Seven Days ). The ex-BF is lured into temptation by his morally lax co-worker ( Kathryn Morris from Cold Case ) and decides to make the most of the evacuated city. However, he still wants to have the lifeguard for himself.

  • Search This Site