[ Season 1 ! Season 2]
[Season 1, Episode 1]
Pilot: The Story Begins
Shown 17th October 2004
In the 1700s an English country mansion is the HQ of the slave trade. An African witchdoctor curses it.
In the modern day it is a School. The so-called teenagers are all twentysomethings, but that is standard in all teenager shows. The headmaster is Colin Salmon ( The World Is Not Enough, Die Another Day ) - an ironic choice, because he is of African descent.
Mysterious goings-on attract the attention of our heroine, Cassie ( Christina Cole ). She is blonde, though not a nympho. Her best friend, Thelma ( Jemima Rooper ), is a non-conformist-dressing lesbian.
The show is very upfront about sexuality. We get a shot of the lads in the shower, the quotation of the poetry line Sucked on cunt-ry pleasures, and so on. This has led the show to be described as a darker, sexier Buffy. This is not exactly accurate - Buffy is metaphorical, but this show has no subtext.
Cassie ( Christina Cole ) electrocutes a date-rapist who is possessed. Is she a telekinetic murderer?
Cassie has a lesbo dream about her ghostly stalker Thelma ( Jemima Rooper ), but does not mind. Nobody sees Cassie talking to someone who is not there! The ghost can touch things - curtains, grass and cotton wool. And when the ghost searches the files she needs to use the door and a torch!
They discover the ghost of a teenage girl who died in 1763. There is lots of sex talk, but a pretty crappy plot.
Cassie ( Christina Cole ) and the boyfriend bloke (who may be possessed) are still together.
The ghost Thelma ( Jemima Rooper ) hides when people go past. This is so irritating!
We meet Cassie's mother. This is part of the plot arc, but otherwise this ep has nothing. No fighting, conflict, action or drama!
The ghost Thelma ( Jemima Rooper ) gets the munchies (!) and sees some 1920s people. By strange coincidence, one of them is also a lesbo ghost!
Thelma ( Jemima Rooper ) and her lesbian ghost girlfriend discover Azazeal's plan.
Azazael (Michael Fassbender - Haywire ) seduces the female teacher.
Cassie ( Christina Cole ) discovers she is pregnant. Her response - to drink wine and then lez up!
[Season 2, Episode 1]
Shown 18th September 2005 [Sunday]
Cassie ( Christina Cole ) and her friendly ghost Thelma ( Jemima Rooper ) are back at boarding school. But everything is not back to normal. A hideous demonic entity is stalking her - one of Azazael's Nephilim. Also, there is a new girl around, and Thelma takes a liking to her. That makes TWO gothy lesbian types ... Unfortunately, the new girl is involved in the supernatural plotting as well!
Cassie and Thelma want to find Cassie's baby. Cue lots more strange goings-on.
The big revelation? Thanks to the Making of: Special we learn that the new girl, named Ella ( Laura Pyper ), has an Ulster accent. A bit of journalistic investigation reveals that her name is Laura Pyper , and she previously appeared in Reign of Fire . She is therefore Ulster's first genre star!
Cassie ( Christina Cole ) and Thelma ( Jemima Rooper ) trust the newcomer, Ella ( Laura Pyper ). She orders them to steal the child from Azazael (Michael Fassbender - Haywire ), so she can deal with it.
Meanwhile, Roxanna sets her sights on the new teacher, Jez (Sam Troughton - Robin Hood (2006) ). He has a special calling, but that does not put her off!
Ella ( Laura Pyper ) discovers there is a Seraph in town, and stakes out the local virgin-boy as bait. Unfortunately she falls for him.
Roxanna continues her conquest of the priestly teacher.
Azazael (Michael Fassbender - Haywire ) has plans of his own. He makes Thelma ( Jemima Rooper ) do an errand for him, in exchange for a visit with Cassie ( Christina Cole ). Yes, our heroine is up for yet more appearances ...
There are a couple of revelations in this ep. One is that Ella's Father was John Dee!
Azazael (Michael Fassbender - Haywire ) puts into action the plan he had for Ella ( Laura Pyper ). He uses the item Thelma ( Jemima Rooper ) stole for him to make Ella remember her past, and thus drive her insane. The first signs of insanity she shows are to discard her goth garb and makeup for a baggy old tracksuit!
Back in 1666, poor Ella was framed for witchcraft by Azazeal ... in the same village. Surprisingly, the accusations are identical, and the accusers are physically identical! The question is - will a modern-day psychiatrist be more scientific than a 17th Century Witchfinder?
There are a few historical inaccuracies. The year is wrong, the use of torture was illegal in non-Treason cases, and the execution is straight out of the Vincent Price film Witchfinder General . All to be expected. But worst of all, there appears to be a totally loopy plot hole. Apparently ghosts can be tied up, and memories send them back in time where they can change the past, causing a temporal paradox. Or rather, if they had not gone back in time then past events would not have happened. Whatever.
Thelma ( Jemima Rooper ) has to rely on Leon, Ella's virginal squeeze, for help. Poor Leon has the ghostly lesbian intruding on his erotic dreams - though this writer would rather have her than the blonde woman Leon fantasises about.
This is quite a good episode - the story arc's really going strong now. The background characters are coming into their own, and the SPFX are quite impressive.
Leon's buddy gets tortured by the Faerie bitch, while Azazael (Michael Fassbender - Haywire ) and his sidekick talk about Reservoir Dogs.
Without her powers, Ella is Mortal. And since she was born 500 years ago (closer to 450, by this reviewer's estimation) she now starts to age physically ...
The pay-off is a great cat-fight. Some foxy boxing never goes amiss, IMHO.
This season is really taking off. Without the focus on the Azazael/Cassie relationship, the other characters are coming into their own. The school-kids seem to have names, and we get new supernatural characters.
Jez (Sam Troughton - Robin Hood (2006) ) is appointed School Headmaster, but since the old Head (Colin Salmon - Limitless ) is still in the title credits it will not be a permanent position. Jez brings in Kendo as the new school sport, and Ella ( Laura Pyper ) duels him ...
For a demon, he is not very impressive.
Malachi has come of age, and is magically enrolled at the school. Ella finds herself torn between two love interests - him and Leon. Can she kill him? Should she? He is half-human, Cassie's son, and does not act evil ...
Azazael (Michael Fassbender - Haywire ) is following a Prophecy. A self-fulfilling prophecy, by definition. He must leave his son to his fate - whatever that may be. And he seems to have a past with Ella!
Malachi has a chat with Thelma ( Jemima Rooper ), in a beer garden. Nobody notices him talking so loudly to someone who is not there! He discusses getting Thelma a luuurve interest ( Laura Donnelly , who turns out to have an Ulster accent), which leads on to something totally unexpected and shocking. Not only does this distract Thelma from helping Ella ( Laura Pyper ) for the rest of the episode, it also gives Mal something to blackmail her with!
Ella's boss pops up, and acts like a total bastard. Malachi gets bossed about by a man who calls himself Mephistophiles.
Malachi takes Ella on a date - to Berlin, 1928. He seems to be making progress with her, but their bosses manipulate events against the couple.
However, TPTB still object to the Malachi/Ella romance. He gets hassle from Mephistopheles, while Ella suffers from a plague of boils.
Ella ( Laura Pyper ) cannot see Thelma ( Jemima Rooper ), and thinks she is just a normal teenage girl. She even dresses like one. She looks nice without the makeup, too. She is besotted with Malachi. And he is bored with her.
Malachi is in charge of the peer group now. He is making moves on the blonde chick, Alex, and playing mind games with Leon and the other guy, Tom. Roxie is still around - she is about the only one who turns up for class, playing the good girl.
Leon decides to kill Malachi. Can he carry it out? Well, he goes toe-to-toe with one of the Nephilim, allowing us to see some more of the great prosthetics.
Thelma will disappear if Malachi is killed. Will she let this happen, if it means losing what she has with her GF?
Can Ella recover her personality, then get dolled up in full Goth gear, in time to save the day?
And what is Mephistopheles up to? He used reverse psychology to manipulate Malachi, but now he tries to help Leon. Or does he?
Malachi seems indestructable. He has spread his influence, turning Maya and the blonde girl, Alex, into Succubi. Finally, the other kids in the school have a purpose!
Can Leon help Ella slaughter everyone in her path? Can Thelma stop them?
Roxie is still around. Her good-girl image is not just an act - but is she more shaken by Jez's apparent suicide or the fact that everyone blamed her for seducing him?
Ella ( Laura Pyper ) realises she will have to destroy Malachi by killing his Succubi, one by one. Malachi, however, plans to create even more. He has his eyes set on Tom, Leon's friend.
Leon wants to please Ella, and will do whatever it takes. Thelma ( Jemima Rooper ), on the other hand, seems a lot more suspicious. Which leads for a very interesting climax.
The body count really mounts up this episode. Decapitations, dismemberings, torture ... well, it is torture to watch the amateurish murder attempt on Ella. It seems the only innocent person here is the born-again virgin, Roxie.
Apparently ghosts cast shadows and get hungry!
Roxie is the only mundane who has not fallen for Malachi. She has a part to play in his plans.
The Faerie and Mephistopheles both make a reappearance. Nice to see familiar faces gain.
Ella reforges her mystical dagger. Her other superpower involves walking through a hospital, across town to her school bedroom unnoticed, while bleeding profusely. This is nothing to Thelma's skills. The ghost can now wear fancy-dress costume without it itching, and actually eat food!