Charlton Heston ( Ben Hur ) is the title character, the greatest knight in all of Spain. We follow his life through his dramatic courtship of Sophia Loren , and his noble efforts to avoid the intrigues of the Spanish court. If anything his lack of guile and subtlety makes him a bit annoying. He is portrayed as always doing the right thing, which does not actually make any sense. When the country is split by civil war he turns from one side to another repeatedly, always undermining his friends. But finally, he tries to unite them against the invading Moors …
Despite white-washing El Cid's deeds, this is not a straightforward propaganda piece. There is a group of token good Moors, who are almost as noble as Ed Cid himself. The villain is the Moroccan Emir Herbert Lom.
This is a stage-play brought to life with an all-star cast.
This film is pure style over substance. The paper-thin plot is merely an excuse for stylish violence with slo-mo, back-lighting and a smoke machine. In one respect this is high-brown fare: the Norse speak their own languages, with English subtitles. Presumably this is the main reason it did not do better financially.
Will the stone-age hunter-gatherers triumph over the strangers who only want to build farmsteads in the New World? Silly question!
This is adapted from a novel written by a German. It was filmed in Spain with a British cast, speaking English to make it acceptable to the International (i.e. American) audience. Unfortunately it was regarded as unmarketable to the Americans.
This is an ugly tale, beautifully told. It is basically a slasher film, told from the killer's perspective. It is not about heroism or redemption.
Amanda Seyfried lives in a medieval European village filled with Canadian actors, including Michael Shanks from Stargate SG-1 and Colonel Tigh from BSG 2003 . But the village is plagued by the plot from The Wolfman .
Inquisitor Gary Oldman ( Lost In Space ) and his heresy-fighting entourage appear, as if they wandered in from Season Of The Witch .
The changes are mostly for the worse, making the story fit the cliches of the modern American movie. Ishmael is now the harpoonist, and Quequeg is merely a token ethnic sidekick. The only big star among Ahab's lower ranks is Vinnie Jones ( Swordfish ). Ahab also has an adopted daughter, a supermodel-type beauty named Rachel ( Sofia Pernas ).
The script is a poor shadow of the original story. However, the visuals are occasionally quite impressive. It makes you wonder how good this might really have been if it had been made by a big Hollywood studio.
Princess Luna ( Piper Perabo ) ran away from her arranged marriage to Patrick Swayze ( Red Dawn ) because she wanted to be a modern 21st-Century girl and marry for love instead of duty.
The dragon of the title does not make an appearance until the final climactic battle. This allows the film to concentrate on the characters, rather than just make this action-adventure and spectacle. However, it is still a pretty lightweight affair.
This would have been a lot more successful if it had been re-titled and released as part of the Dragonheart series. After all, they are not a coherent franchise but just a series of remakes and reimaginings linked only by the fact they have dragons in them. Instead, it is just a long-forgotten oddity that comes from the era when Perabo's career had just peaked while Purefoy was about to be the next big thing.
The Jabberwock is a monster that prowls the wilderness and eats people. Our hero is Village blacksmith Helo ( BSG 2003, Dollhouse ).
This is a typical Asylum project, with only half a dozen speaking parts and only one recognisable face. But the script is okay, and some of the dialogue actually works!
This effort's portrayal of Vikings has about as much realism as in Pathfinder . But it is not meant to be a documentary, it is an entertaining enough piece of work.
The hero does not fight Death, he plays chess with the spectre! Hence the homage in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey .
This is very contrived, but could have worked if done as a Hammer Horror effort - like Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter - or a straight-forward fantasty effort ( Krull, Hawk the Slayer ).
The travellers are beset by a Balrog, some CGI wolves and other assorted contrivances from other films.
A knight (Sean Bean - Game Of Thrones ) visits, requesting a guide to a nearby village where the plague has not yet struck. Osmond volunteers, because he knows the knight's route will take him near to where Averill is waiting for him. However, he has gotten out of his depth.
The knight is an Inquisitor. He and his companions, including John Lynch ( ), are going to the village in order to kill the Necromancer who rules it. Yes, much like the test for witchcraft - if you do not drown then you are guilty - they assume that only satan-worshippers will be immune to the plague.
The village is run by Hob (Tim McInnerny - ). A mysterious wise woman ( Carice Van Houten ) lurks in the background, offering assistance. But who is to be trusted?
The movie has an amazing cast, for what it is. Unfortunately it is let down by the poor cinematography. Everything seems to be shot in medium frame, which means we get to see very little of the wild landscape or the impressive medieval village set. A better director could have provided much more impressive visuals, and the complete lack of on-screen spectacle means this disappointing effort is a wasted opportunity.
Farmer (Jason Statham - Ghosts of Mars ) is a turnip-loving ... farmer. He is somehow also an expert warrior, with a boomerang and Chinese kung-fu swords (and skills to match). Farmer and his friend Ron Perlman ( Season Of the Witch ) defeat a gang of Orcs who had wiped out the proper army's best men.
Farmer's wife ( Claire Forlani ) and son take the harvest wagon to the town of Stonebridge. Strangely, it has no bridge of any kind. But strange names are the least of this film's problems. Farmer and Perlman go to rescue the damsel, en route encountering Acrobatic tree-nymph Kristanna Lokken .
King Burt and his African-American General lead their army to face the Orcs. The pitched battle takes place in a forest, where cavalry cannot charge and there is too much cover for archers to be effective. Luckily the Orcs are too stupid to hide behind the trees. This leads on to great shots of massed combat, with hundreds of extras in full costume. That said, the inexplicable shots of ninjas somersaulting through the trees are a bit distracting.
Once the new King crowned, he sets off with a motley fellowship of misfits in order to invade the villain's fortress. Yes, he thinks of his kingly duties as an excuse to go on a heroic suicide mission.
Shockingly, this is not as bad as the original film (despite having the same director - Uwe Boll ).
Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman - Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy ) is recruited by Gandalf the Wizard. He joins a dozen Dwarves on their quest to kill a dragon and reclaim their home. En route, they encounter Goblins and other monsters. Lots of stabbings and violent death ensue - but to get a PG-13 rating, there is no blood!
The problem with the story is that it has been overly padded out. This film only takes up the first six chapters of the book, which has been split in three to make it a LOTR-style trilogy. Radaghast the Brown (Sylvester McCoy - Dr Who ) only gets mentioned in passing in the original book. Here, extensive scenes featuring him have been shoe-horned into the story. This pads out the running time, but adds nothing to the actual story. If anything, this added distraction just makes the story drag.
The Dwarves encounter the Wood Elves. The Elf-King (Lee Pace - Pushing Daisies ) is a sociopath, and his son Legolas (Orlando Bloom - Pirates of the Carribean ) insults Gimli's father. Tauriel ( Evangeline Lilly ) is Captain of the Guard, and starts to fall for Kili the Dwarf (Aidan Turner - Being Human ). The Elves barely get a mention in the book, while now they get to do huge cartoonish battle scenes where they wipe out dozens of Orcs.
Gandalf ventures off to meet Radaghast the Brown (Sylvester McCoy - Dr Who ) to fight the Necromancer, who only gets mentioned in the original book. Here, extensive scenes featuring him have been shoe-horned into the story. This pads out the running time, but adds nothing to the actual story. If anything, this added distraction just makes the story drag.
When the Dwarves get to Laketown, Bard (Luke Evans - Three Musketeers ) tries to involve them in his Socialist uprising against the oafish Mayor (Stephen Fry - ). And when they get to the Mountain, Bilbo has to face Smaug (Benedict Cumberbach - Star Trek: Into Darkness ).
Despite there being literally an army of dwarves from the Iron Hills present, the fact that Thorin refuses to abandon his post is made a big deal of. An extra dozen dwarves would hardly turn the tide of battle against thousands of orcs. Likewise, the human mayor’s toadie is treated like a villain for his cowardice. But he can hardly be blamed for staying out of harm’s way - he would be a liability to anyone who fought beside him.
Finally, the Dwarf Champions take on the Orc Champions. Legolas gets to run on stones in mid-air (like Wylie E. Coyote), and the laws of physics are generally ignored. This cartoonishness removes all suspension of disbelief, damaging the film even more.
Merry and Pippin (Dominic Monaghan - Lost ) meet the Ents, led by Treebeard (John Rhys Davies - Raiders of the Lost Ark ).
Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas (Orlando Bloom - Pirates Of The Caribbean ) meet the Riders of Rohan, led by Karl Urban ( Xena: Warrior Princess ). Then they must help Miranda Otto to free the King (Bernard Hill - Gothika ) from the influence of Grima Wormtongue (Brad Dourif - Alien Resurrection ).
Saruman (Christopher Lee - SW II: Attack of the Clones ) sends a huge army of Orcs to besiege our heroes in the fortress of Helm's Deep. This leads on to one of three huge battles that take place simultaneously!
Frodo and Sam must face Shelob, a gigantic spider that guards the route to Mordor.
Merry and Pippin are reunited with Aragorn and the others. Together they must organise the defence of the last Kingdom of Men from the combined forces of all of Sauron's evil.
Poor Liv Tyler , given such an enlarged role in the first film, now has nothing to do but waste away.
This is based on the novel by Alexandre Dumas . It keeps more or less to the story, and is a fair retelling of it.
After the success of The 3 Musketeers: D'Artagnan (2023) , this is the first French-language adaptation in decades based on the Monte Cristo novel by Alexandre Dumas . It has been updated a bit, for modern audiences. For example, the British character Lord Halifax uses the term Indigenous person instead of a more period-authentic slur.
The book's escape storyline inspired Shawshank Redemption , and the revenge storyline inspired V For Vendetta . However, this version puts its own spin on things. Dante's sidekick Jacopo is reduced to a silent henchman, and Dante's main accomplices are the younger generation - the tweenage kids of the villains' victims.
The Grand Duchess, a young and attractive damsel in distress, tries to escape the dictator and summon help from France. She runs into Edmund Dantes, who has inherited his father's title as the Count of Monte Cristo.
Dantes joins the rebels and goes undercover in the villain's palace. To do this, he passes himself off as a fop - like Percy Blakeney in The Scarlet Pimpernel , the character who inspired Zorro ... who then inspired Bruce Wayne's foppishness in Batman .
The villain has the decency to lead from the front, and is a skilled tracker among other things. This makes him a credible threat to the hero, and more well-rounded than many other antagonists.
The coach's passenger is not the Emperor, but his brother - the First Minister. Their dialogue gives the necessary exposition - this is set in the aftermath of the Crimean War, when France has economic difficulties. The First Minister is the power behind the throne, responsible for getting his brother elected President and then declaring himself Emperor (AKA President For Life). Now the First Minister seeks to crack down on civil liberties, to prevent public unrest turning into full-scale rebellion.
The ambushers are traced to the province of Normandy, so the First Minister is sent there with a group of Dragoons. They are beset by a masked cavalier, who seems to be the leader of the rebels. Not only is this cavalier secretly an aristocrat, like in Zorro , but they are actually a woman - like in The Wicked Lady .
The rebels need funding to publicise their revolt and get mass popular support. Luckily, the Cavalier's father was best friends with the Count of Monte Cristo. The Count willed the treasure to his friend, who has put it at his daughter's disposal. Although the treasure is cunningly concealed, the Sword of Monte Cristo serves as both map and key. This sword becomes the maguffin that everyone is after - the King's men so they can solve the country's financial problems, and the First Minister so he can fund a coup in his own name.
The main protagonist is actually the Captain of Dragoons, caught between his duty and his love for the heiress. That said, the female lead gets to do her fair share of swashbuckling.
Randall Wallace , the man responsible for writing Braveheart , puts his own spin on the Musketeers story. The marketing emphasised Leonardo's role as the title character, but that ploy came after his success in Titanic that year. The film itself centres on the Musketeers, and although Leo has two important roles he is still really a supporting player.
In Paris, Dartagnian's luck is not much better. He cannot get a commission in the Musketeers without first serving meritoriously in another army unit. Worse, instead of befriending the three top Musketeers - Porthos (Frank Finlay - Lifeforce ), Athos (Oliver Reed - Gladiator ) and Aramis (Richard Chamberlain - ) - he ends up having to duel them. The good news is that they can unite against a common enemy. The nearest thing to police that the city has is the Cardinal's Guards, who have been ordered to arrest brawlers and duellists. After all, this is an era when people still solve problems with violence instead of trusting in the courts of law.
Dartagnian uses his share of the money they steal to hire a servant (Roy Kinear - ) and rent a room for lodgings. His landlord (Spike Milligan - ) is married to Constance ( Raquel Welch ), who by incredible coincidence is also a lady-in-waiting for the Queen of France ( ).
Cardinal Richelieu (Charlton Heston - The Omega Man ) is the French King's First Minster, which is to say that he actually does the hands-on job of running the country. His opposite number, the Duke of Buckingham - the English King's First Minister - is arriving in Paris. Richelieu seeks to prove that Buckingham is having an affair with the Queen of France. The best proof will be a gift that the Queen gave to her lover. The Musketeers must get it, before Milady and Rochefort give it to Richelieu.
This was directed by Richard Lester , from a script by George MacDonald Fraser adapted from the original novel by Alexandre Dumas . The tone is comedy-thriller, similar to Fraser's other film Royal Flash .
While Rochefort keeps the Musketeers busy in France, Milady carries out Richelieu's orders in England. Buckingham avoids her attempt to kill him, and has her imprisoned by a sex-hating Puritan who seems immune to her seductive charms.
Richard Lester made this from extra footage shot for The Three Musketeers (1973) . Yes, this was originally one movie rather than two films shot back-to-back. As a result, the cast were only paid for one film rather than two so Hollywood contracts have been more specific ever since.
Our heroes, nominally Musketeers (who use Muskets), are normally portrayed as expert swordsmen instead. But here they are James Bond type secret agents, with special skills and fancy gadgets. They include a couple of recognisable faces - Porthos (Ray Stevenson - Rome ), Athos (Matthew McFadyen - Robin Hood (2010) ) and Aramis (Luke Evans - Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug ).
There is a great supporting cast - Milady ( Milla Jovovich ), Buckingham (Orlando Bloom - Pirates of the Caribbean ) and Planchet (James Cordon - Lesbian Vampire killers ) are scene-stealers. Seriously, it is that bad. In its defence, the visuals are spectacular - if you like anachronistic pre-steampunk CGI airships blowing things up.
The story is set in 1627, when France is ruled by a weak King who relies on Cardinal Richelieu as his First Minister. A young man named D'Artagnan travels from his remote country home to the big city of Paris, with dreams of joining the Musketeers. At an inn on the way he blunders into a sword-fight, and gets involved despite not knowing who the combatants are. Milady ( Eva Green ) leaves him for dead ...
D'Artagnan survives, gets over the trauma and gets to Paris to follow his dreams. First he blunders into the three Musketeers - Athos (Vincent Cassell - Brotherhood of the Wolf ), Porthos and Aramis. They are a group of assholes, and all challenge him to duels. Yes, they push civilians around all the time - and anyone who objects is expected to fight them to the death.
Once the so-called heroes have united against a common foe, the Cardinal's guardsmen, the story really takes off. Athos is framed for murdering a woman, so D'Artagnan must help Porthos and Aramis find the real killer. By incredible coincidence this ties in with Milady's conspiracy. By even greated coincidence, D'Artagnan has rented lodgings in the house of the Queen's lady-in-waiting. Yes, so much of this depends on complete coincidence.
The main storyline is the traditional one about the Duke of Buckingham and the French Queen. Strangely, the focus is on the Cardinal's apparent hatred of the Queen instead of his interest in destablising Catholic France's uneasy peace with Episcopalian England. This is even stranger when one considers that the climax, which sets up the next film, has the French government fighting against England's allies - the Huguenot people of La Rochelle.
As with Four Musketeers: Milady's Revenge (1974) , this movie is about the siege of La Rochelle. Of course, this movie puts its own spin on the story. Someone is plotting behind the scenes to set the Royalist Catholics and Revolutionary Huguenots against each other.
Although Oz is a shyster with no magical powers, he runs into a trio of powerful witches. Mila Kunis falls in love with him, her sister Rachel Weitz manipulates him, and Michelle Williams straight-out uses him for her own ends. Luckily, Oz is owed a wookie life debt by a flying monkey (Zach Braff - Scrubs).
This may be a Sam Raimi film, but it is also a family-friendly blockbuster. The darker aspects of the script do not go further than anything done by Tim Burton . The 3D SPFX are at their best when the characters are flying around in the air, but otherwise add little to the film. All in all, it might be the best of a clutch of 3-D blockbusters released in Spring 2013, but it is not a terribly memorable film in its own right.
After her home was destroyed by the tornado, Dorothy Gale ( Fairuza Balk ) was sent to live with her aunt ( Piper Laurie ). However, her obsession with the mystical land of Oz leaves auntie with no option but to seek professional help. She takes Dorothy to a medical quack (Nichol Williamson - Excalibur (1981) ) - well, this was the era of medicine depicted in The Road To Wellsville . His sidekick is Jean Marsh , famous for her wicked witch roles.
The casting is quite impressive. Balk is one of the few 1980s child stars to have continued her career with any great degree of success. Williamson was Merlin in Excalibur , while Marsh was the Witch-Queen in Willow . A pity their evil team-up was not better conveyed.
These days, the most common complaint about films is the crappy CGI. Unfotunately, this film is let down by its crappy practical effects. In fact, it is not that the effects are crappy as such, merely that they are quite disappointing. The original sidekicks in the 1930s movie The Wizard of Oz were actors with grease-paint make-up, which allowed them to emote. The updated 1980s versions are rubbery and impersonal, so the audience perceives them as things rather than people and cannot relate to them in a personal way.
We start with a long-winded exposition on the Witches of Oz stealing the Book of Ultimate Magic from the Wizard (Christopher Lloyd - Back To The Future ). Dorothy Gale steals the book's key, then returns to Kansas. When she grows up she lives in modern day New York City. Frank L Baum never existed, and Dorothy Gale herself is in the process of writing the Oz books!
The Witches come to NYC, looking for the key. This means that the budget is not wasted on Fantasy sets, and is instead spent on talent. Luckily for Dorothy she has three male friends (including Billy Boyd - Lord of the Rings ) to help her out.
The story starts in England, 1174. Julian Sands ( Warlock ) is a henchman working for the Sheriff of Nottingham. Despite having an upper-crust English accent he is lumbered with the Scottish name of Malcolm. He leads his boss out to find a flying monster, and discover a naked girl named Helena ( Katherine Isabelle ).
Malcolm realises a couple of things. Firstly, the girl's blood has magical properties. She is a shapeshifter, like in Ginger Snaps . Secondly, he can easily inherit the job of Sheriff of Nottingham by out-living all his rivals.
By incredible coincidence, a young man is in the woods and witnesses everything. Then he wakes up as Robin Hood (Robin Dunne - Sanctuary ). Hood, with his Merry Men (both of them!) robs the local tax collectors. Meanwhile, Lady Marian ( Erica Durance ), is unhappy about being married off to Duke Leopold of Austria. She is a tomboy who spends all day hitting things with a quarterstaff.
When Robin gets home to Nottingham he discovers his father (Brian Blessed - Flash Gordon ) has been murdered by the wicked Sheriff of Nottingham (Alan Rickman - Galaxy Quest ) and his sidekick, Guy of Gisbourne (Michael Wincott - The Crow ). This leaves Robin disinherited, so he becomes an outlaw.
Robin recruits a team to help him on his mission. Maid Marian ( Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio ) is a kick-ass ninja when the story allows, although somehow she becomes a damsel in distress for the climax. Will Scarlet (Christian Slater - ) grudgingly agrees to join, despite bearing a grudge against Robin. All this comes out when he monologues his backstory at the appropriately emotional point.
Azeem is perhaps the most interesting character in the gang. He is not the first BIPOC in a Robin Hood story - Robin of Sherwood (1986) featured Nasir the Hashishim, a Saracen character played by the Caucasian actor Mark Ryan. Azeem is not a slave, because he follows Robin of his own free will. His role in the story is to school the white characters, thanks to his superior knowledge of medicine, telescopes and gunpowder. So is he a stereotypical Uncle Sam, just there to support what the White characters do? If this movie were race-swapped, with Kevin Costner as the sole White person among a lower-technology BIPOC culture, it would be Dances With Wolves.
All in all, this is a major blockbuster movie with a generic cast and a public domain storyline. It came out at the same time as two other movies on the same topic - the more serious Robin Hood (1991) and the straight-up comedy Robin Hood: Men in Tights . The thing that really sets it apart is the theme song, Everything I Do, which was number one in the pop charts for about six months running.
Longbow archer Robin Longstride (Russell Crowe - Gladiator ) pretends to be a knight, Robert of Loxley. He goes home to the Knight's father, elderly Baron (Max Von Sydow, in a role much like the one he played in Solomon Kane ). He also has to contend with feisty widow-woman ( Cate Blanchett ) who could do worse than the oafish sheriff of Nottingham (Matthew McFadyen - The 3 Musketeers )
Meanwhile, rent-a-villain Mark Strong ( Stardust ) plots to help the French King invade England.
The tactics are not the only anachronisms. When they return to England, the production design is Edwardian. There is a massive display of riveted metal, which would be more suited to the First World War than the Crusades!
When Robin the Mockey gets home, he discovers that Marian the Dubliner has shacked up with a Belfast man named Will (Jamie Dornan - Once Upon A Time ). Yes, what a mess of regional accents. However, the audience's suspension of disbelief should be long gone by this stage.
In a twist, the Sheriff of Nottingham does not serve Prince John. No, there is a creepy Cardinal who pulls his strings. Is this Cardinal Richelieu? Well, he is not named - but that is certainly the implication.
Robin shows off his archery skills, and gets hired by a creepy nobleman. Unfortunately the nobleman's henchman (Oliver Reed - Curse of the Werewolf ) takes an instant dislike to Robin.
The villain's plot is to increase his own land holdings, and in an era when land equated to wealth (and power) he would thus significantly improve his own status.
This is a Hammer Production, shot by Terence Fisher at Ardmore, County Wicklow in Ireland.