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Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman [Season 1, Episode 1-2]
Shown 12 Sep 93
Shown 15th February 2001 - Thursday
Yes, we get a rerun of the show that made stars of Dean Cain and Teri Hatcher . Before this, he had played Volleyball in a Kellogg's Frosties commercial and she had a supporting role in an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation . Afterwards, she went on to become a Bond Girl in Tomorrow Never Dies.
This is the pilot episode, which introduces Cain's Clark Kent to Lois Lane [Hatcher], the future love of his life. He gets a job working with her as a newspaper reporter at the Daily Planet. Using his superpowers for personal gain and sabotage of private property.
Lane is not interested in Kent, and instead allows herself to be courted by the billionaire Lex Luthor. He's the world's richest man, a reclusive playboy. And his role model is Alexander the Great.
Someone is sabotaging the Congress of Nations spaceships that will launch hundreds of American colonists to space station Prometheus. In the second part, Kent develops his alter-ego [aka Superman] so he can do good deeds in public without being recognised.
The Daily Planet is raided by plainclothes Federal Agents led by Jason Trask [Terence Knox - Tour of Duty] who wants to track down and arrest Superman. After all, he is an illegal alien. :)
This episode was written by Bryce Zabel [co-creator of Dark Skies ], so you should know what to expect. Trask is in charge of a MJ-12 type agency, ever since his days as a senior USAF officer on Project Blue Book. Since Blue Book ended in 1969 and this was filmed in 1992, Knox looks far too young. If only they had got the late, great J.T. Walsh. His Frank Bach shows what a great character Trask could have been.
While Trask investigates Lois and Clark, Clark investigates his own background. He still doesn't know where he's from, so the discovery of the container he came to Earth on shows us there must be a story arc in operation.
Back at the Planet, it's work as usual. Katt [ Tracey Scoggins ] is after Clark's body. Lois acts jealous, but is it of Katt or Clark?
Lex Luthor plots against Superman again. This time he threatens to cause a never-ending succession of disasters in Metropolis to prove that Superman cannot be everywhere at once.
The invisible man is on the rampage. He robs banks - but uses gun, for some reason.
Clark's dad isn't much use, even though he should be the expert - in another life he's The Official in the TV show I-Man .
One suspect looks like the wee redneck feller who gets Superman's powers in Season One.
Lois [ Teri Hatcher ] discovers that the villain-of-the-week's plot may involve her father. He is a doctor who is developing steroids for super-athletes. Superman goes up against them: despite his superior strength and speed it is apparently a fair match.
As ever, Lex Luthor manipulates things from behind the scenes.
Lois and Clark both go undercover in a nightclub, where the babelicious owner is suspected of involvement in gangsterism.
The villains are arsonists who torch buildings with special flame-throwers.
Super-intelligent children try to take over the world. Or something like that. They start by interrupting all TV channels in Metropolis.
They've been given a special serum that makes them super-smart. The doctor, a secret employee of Lex Luthor, wants them back so he can dissect them.
Lois becomes reluctant surrogate to a stroppy runway 11-year-old girl.
MIB Jason Trask [Terrance Knox] is back. This time the investigation concerns a green glowing crystal that can sap Superman's powers. They name it Krytonite ...
Jerry Hardin [ X-Files ] is a farmer friend of Clark's dad. He gets interrogated by the MIBs, who want his kryptonite!
Mayor Sonny Bono announces that due to a mysterious heatwave the city's power supply is inadequate. To cope with it they have rushed through permission for Lex Luthor to open his new nuclear power plant. The scientists suspect that the person responsible for the heatwave is ... Superman. His powers are from solar energy, and every tme he uses them the heat increases. The DA places a restraining order to prevent Superman using his powers. Can Superfascist obey the law? Do pigs fly? Well, red and blue ones do!
The plot is obvious. Luthor plans to rid himself of superman - and as a side-effect, he gets to open his new power plant. Why doesn't the mayor insist the citizens use energy-saving devices, eh? Instead they build more power plants and destroy the environment and pollute the atmosphere - thus increasing the problem and creating a vicious circle that will eventually result in the destruction of the world. Hmm. Didn't George Dubyah Bush decide on exactly the same policy?
Morgan Fairchild guest-stars as a chemist who has developed a pheremone spray that removes all romantic inhibitions. To prove to ex-sponsor [and ex-lover] Lex Luthor that it works, she sprays the Daily Planet office with it.
Lois goes mad for Clark, who's immune to it. She even belly-dances for him.
Jimmy and Perry fall in love, but not with each other. Jimmy gets rescued, damsel-style, by Superman. Perry dresses up as Elvis and tries serenading the cleaning lady.
Lex gets held hostage in his own home. Again. You'd think that the third-richest person in the world could afford some security!
Our intrepid reporters investigate a mad scientist who threatens to destroy Metropolis with a Tsunami. They go undercover, and settle down in the honeymoon suite.
A big meteor is about to hit Metropolis. Like in Meteor, Armageddon,
Superman flies up to stop the meteor, but is KO'd. Clark Kent wakes up, with amnesia!
Lex Luthor offers Lois a place in his nuke-proof bomb-shelter. She refuses, on the grounds that she's a journalist and her duty is to observe things.
Lois witnesses the murder of a reclusive scientist.
Richard Belzer [Homicide: Life on the Street] is the investigating officer.
Lois and Clark investigate a stage magician, played by Pen Jillette. He may be funny when paired with the silent Teller, but here he's just wooden.
Lois helps a convicted murderer, because he is the only one who can save Metropolis from a computer virus.
Clark Kent discovered an alien orb in Bureau 39's warehouse, and in this episode it shows him a hologram of his father [David Warner]. A teenage thief steals it. Lois finds the globe and realises that it is Superman's - but can Clark get it back before she connects it to him?
Worse still, Lex Luthor gets his hands on it and uses it as bait for a trap.
Stockwell's evil aim is to monopolise the media, and like Citizen Kane he can thus control the mood of the country.
Lex Luthor creates an imperfect clone of Superman.
Clark is totally perplexed by what is going on. But Lois, when she realises something is wrong, is actually very perceptive!
Michael McKean [ Smallville, X-Files ] is a sleazy geneticist.
After hours at the Daily Planet, and the building is siezed by Robert Beltran [ Star Trek: Voyager ] and a gang of gun-toting thugs that includes a token babe dressed as Carrie Anne Moss in The Matrix. Yes, this is the Die Hard/Desperate Hours episode, predictable as ever.
Lois Lane [ Teri Hatcher ] is dolled up in a cleavage-revealing dress for her date with Lex Luthor, who is also trapped there. Only Jimmy Olsen gets away, Bruce Willis-style, and crawls around the air vents looking for help.
Lex Luthor buys the Daily Planet, and then it mysteriously burns down. The young ex-delinquent kid, Jack Miner, conveniently gets the blame. Perry plans to take early retirement. Lois joins LNN cable TV channel, and agrees to marry Lex ...
To be continued in 2 weeks time.
One point: Perry states that for the first day in 219 years there will be no edition of the Daily Planet. This must make his newspaper at least fifty years older than every other newspaper in the world!!!
Lex traps Superman in a cage of Kryptonite. As the marriage ceremony takes place, Lois must choose - does she love Lex or Clark?
Lex's criminal past is investigated by Lieutenant Henderson [Richard Belzer from Homicide: Life On The Street], who appeared in several previous episodes. We also get a cameo from James Earl Jones.
Lois & Clark [Season 2, Episode 1]
Shown 18 Sep 94
Shown 2nd August 2001 - Thursday
A new season in TV-land, and there's a new Jimmy Olsen. Also, Tracey Scoggins is gone - and nobody ever remarks on this!
The public mood in Metropolis is turning against Superman. Lois refers to the start of dumbing down of America - just the START? Instead, she encourages blind trust in an Alien Ubermensch ... The morality of the episode is profound. The man she almost married died horribly on the wedding day, and Superman did nothing to save him. Lois feels NOTHING!? Psychopathic bitch.
The reporters investigate the murder of a plastic surgeon. The suspect looks like Lois Lane. Nobody considers it may be a lookalike ...
How could Lex have survived? The actor gave the following theory: Lex tried to fake his own death, by falling to an airbag on a balcony several floors below. This was only partially successful, and left him with cranial damage ...
Metropolis is under siege to a villain with a sonic weapon powerful enough to take out superman. Of course, the scientific principles behind a sound wave powerful enough to crush the Man of Steel without damaging anything else in the room ... The other thing to note about this plot is that the writers repeat it throughout this season. Obvious really, since only hi-tech weaponry can hurt Superman, especially if it attacks his super-senses. However, it gets a bit monotonous.
Lois goes undercover in a nightclub. Well, she dresses slutty. The nightclub bouncers are gorgeous amazon women led by Cory Everson ...
Superman saves a bunch of people on a ferris wheel. Lois is approached by an informer who worked for the manufacturer, and claims they knew the devices were faulty. The informer is placed in jeopardy, and Lois is accused of breaching her promise to keep his identity a secret.
Lois Lane gets presents from an unknown admirer. Does he have something sinister in store for her?
Bronson Pinchot [Blame it on the Bellboy] guest-stars as the villain, a hi-tech weapons designer. His sidekick is an unbelievably slow engineering graduate played by Rick Overton.
A new criminal organisation, Intergang, moves into Metropolis to take over where Lex Luthor left off. Superman uncovers the identities of the leaders, Bill Church [Peter Boyle - Species 2 ] and his son, Bill Church Jnr [Bruce Campbell - Xena: Warrior Princess ]. However, if he attempts to aprehend them they will kill Lois, Perry and Jimmy.
Someone is taking control of the computerised systems that control Metropolis. One of the suspects is Lois' old friend from College, a New Age anti-technology type played by Melora Hardin .
JT Walsh plays one of the villains, a wimpish US Army colonel. This is a wonderful counterpoint to his portrayal of Captain Bach in Dark Skies
Bonnie Parker [ Amy Hathaway ] and Clyde Barrow are on a crime spree in 1990s Metropolis. John Dillinger and Al Capone [William Devane] are also in town ...
A scientist has used DNA samples to clone a group of famous gangsters. This seems to prove conclusively the answer to the old nature versus nurture debate. Not only are the clones a gang of criminal recidivists, they also have memories of their lives in the 1930s. OTOH, it could just be dodgy writing.
Clark and Lois are searching for the truth behind Lex Luthor's disappearance. Superman saves a suicidal middle-aged redneck, but while they are touching they are hit by a bolt of lightning. As a result, the redneck gets super-powers too!
Superman has a couple of problems to deal with. The redneck decides to go into business as superhero for hire. This is apparently unaceptable. Superman is a part-time hero who has a day job. Now, supposing someone had a special talent as a piano player. Would it be fair for him to play piano for a living, or should he be a journalist by day and play piano for free on his time off?
The second problem is that Gretchen [ Denise Crosby ], Lex Luthor's doctor and the custodian of his body, witnessed the transfer of superpowers. She uses fair means and foul to transfer the redneck's powers to herself.
The BBC showed Season 2 out of sequence deliberately: this is the Christmas episode. Thankfully, the episode actually works quite well as a stand-alone.
Lois [ Teri Hatcher ] and Clark face off against yet another genius who is creating mayhem in Metropolis. This time the villain is different from the usual in a couple of respects. Firstly, he isn't eeeevil - just a kind of pissed-off Santa Claus. Secondly, he's an African-American! So is his secretary-cum-love-interest, which means that there are two token non-whites and no interracial mixing!
Denise Richards has a cameo as Jimmy Olsen's girlfriend-of-the-week.
A muscle-man breaks into a jewelry store in broad daylight. The cops gun him down in cold blood, even though he is unarmed, and discover he is a robot.
Lois' sister is in town. Lois disapproves of her boyfriend-in-law, who apparently has no job, no education, no prospects. Shows where Lois' priorities lie.
The two plot threads colide, and the resultant cyborg has a kryptonite power supply. Superman gets his ass kicked, and Lois stops Jimmy from taking photos of it. Perry complains, and claims that he wants the newspaper to show the truth, unbiased one way or the other. huh!
Lois claims she likes Superman because of his intelligence, caring, innate goodness, much like Clark! This totally ignores the fact that both Clark and Superman regularly break the law by breaching peoples' privacy.
Perry's life-savings are stolen by a Ninja. Clark and Lois go to Chinatown to investigate. They meet up with martial-arts master James Hong and his reporter grandson [played by a Japanese-American actor]. The thief is a 10th-level master of something called Yi-Chi, and while wearing a pair of magical bracelets he can defeat Superman!
Fortunately, the writers have chosen not to use this as the opportunity to be preachy on the topic of racism. No, they're too smart to use it for blatant politicking. So instead they use it to babble about sexism. Lois is too selfish to get coffee for other office-workers, and gives off about the fact that Perry is a member of a Mens Clubs. As if there are no women-only areas in the world!
The war of the genders is also personified in Clark's ever-visiting parents. They decide to swop their work assignments for a few days. He's retired, and watches TV all day. She is a housewife, and does all the household chores. This denies the fact that there are hundreds of millions of bachelors in this world who can cook and clean for themselves. And what did Kent Snr retire from? Oh yeah, he's still a professional farmer. He works outdoors from dawn till dusk, all day every day in all weather. Hmm. When the little lady does equal work she can get equal credit, IMHO.
The obligatory mad scientist and his sideick [Gerrit Graham] are after a plot device. The device is hidden, by complete fluke, in Lois Lane's appartment! The case is investigated by babelicious Assistant DA Mason Drake [ Farrah Forke ], who fancies Clark and invites him to her mountain cabin for the weekend.
The villains fight Superman the only way they can, with brains over brawn. The scientist, an eye-doctor, uses Superman's super-senses against him and builds a device that blinds Superman. The episode attempts to deal with the genuine issues of blindness. However, the blind scenes are incredibly phony and tongue-in-cheek. For example, Clark makes a collect call to his parents, but doesn't give the operator their telephone number.
Clark finally asks Lois on a Date. While she ponders, her most recent ex-boyfriend comes round ...
Lex is finally defrosted. Unfortunately all his assets have been siezed. All he's got left is his loyal minions, Gretchen and Nigel. Yes, a doctor and a butler. But Nigel's not an ordinary butler, and puts his skills to work.
Diana Stride [ Raquel Welch ], top television reporter, is after an exclusive on Superman. She plans to uncover his secret identity.
Meanwhile, Intergang's top assassin is in town. Robert Culp guest-stars as Mr Darryl, the assassin's boss.
The Prankster [Bronson Pinchot - True Romance] and his sidekick [played by a different actor from last time] are out of jail and back in Metropolis. It appears that they is out for revenge against Lois Lane [ Teri Hatcher ]. However, they have something more sinister planned. The American President is in town, with Cliff De Young [ ] as head of the Secret Service guards.
The Prankster's weapon works on the victim's visual senses, much as a similar villain did in a previous episode.
Jimmy Olsen is framed for murder. Lois [ Teri Hatcher ] and Clark must track down the real killer. However, the villains are planning to steal nuclear warheads on behalf of Intergang boss Mr Daryll [Robert Culp - Hannie Calder].
Also, this is the episode where Lois & Clark go on their first Date. Clark/Superman does his impersonation of The Mask , and while Lois enjoys herself so much she requests a new partner. Also, the Mason Drake sub-plot gets wrapped up here.
Lois [ Teri Hatcher ] has a new admirer - Dan Scardino, an overzealous macho Federal Agent type. He helps her and Clark investigate the murder of the D.A. last episode.
The man responsible for the killings is linked to a number of convicts who die mysteriously. Lois suspects that he can bring them back from the dead.
Lois [ Teri Hatcher ] and Clark are confronted by HG Wells. He invented a time machine during the Victorian era, and travelled forward in time by two centuries.
There he discovered the world was a utopia founded by Superman and Lois. However, there was a problem with paradise. A dissident called Tempus hijacked the time machine and used it to go back in time to kill superman while he was a baby.
Lois [ Teri Hatcher ] and Clark investigate a plot to drug and brainwash people into becoming assassins. Jimmy gets chosen, and the villains use him to attack the troublesome reporters. And, joy of joys, Scardino gets in the way!
Bill Church Jnr [Bruce Campbell - Evil Dead ] is now head of CostMart [Shop smart, shop CostMart] and InterGang. His new eeeevil plan is to buy the Daily Planet.
Church gets his henchman to use Red Kryptonite against Superman. The result is that the Uber-Bastard decides to chill out and leave catching crooks to the police. Let's face it, the fact that he hasn't put the Police and Fire Departments out of business yet is a mystery.
Lois [ Teri Hatcher ] complains that Superman isn't interfering in other peoples business - while at the same time she complains that Clark and Agent Scardino always go off [to save the world] instead of socialising with her.
Superman goes to see a psychiatrist. However, he has no social security number or bank account - he can't even pay in cash!
With Perry MIA, Jimmy Olsen is in charge. David Graf [Police Academy] pops up as a journalist.
A guitarist [Jason Carter - Babylon 5 ] is injured by Superman's carelessness, and takes the super-vigilante to court.
Like the previous episode, Individual Responsibility, the plot centres on a comparison between Superman's self-richeous attitude and the realities of everyday life. The show takes the view, as it did last time, that the Super-fascist has earned superiority over mere humans.
Clark is contacted by a blackmailer who knows he is Superman and orders him to commit a robbery.
The blackmailer has three weapons. He has the diary of Tempus, from the episode Tempus Fugitive. He has Lex Luthor's sidekick Nigel [with some stolen Kryptonite]. Finally, he kidnaps Clark's parents.
The main story centres around Clark's relationship with Lois. She is annoyed because he is pre-occupied with something other than her. However, when she finds out about his parents she is eager to help.