[Movie (2014) !Season 1 !Season 2 ]
The vampires' lives are complicated when their flatmate Petyr, a lookalike of Count Orlock from Nosferatu (1922) , brings a victim back as a new vampire.
The vamps are easy-going guys, but they are prejudiced against Alpha (Rhys Darby - Mulder and Scully Meet The Were-Monster ) and his werewolf pack. This is all good fun for the vamps, until it turns out to be a full moon ...
This is a mockumentary, in the manner of The Office. The main difference is that the subjects of the show are a bunch of real-life vampires. As the first episode of the series, this not only introduces the main characters but also sets up some of the recurring plot-lines.
The main trio of vampires are a Gothic bunch who crossed the Atlantic over a century ago, never moved further than Staten Island – and never updated their fashion sense either. They have a more modern, but deeply despised, flatmate … Colin Robinson the energy vampire. He is basically a bureaucrat who feeds by sucking the hope out of his office cow-orkers. What makes him so unpopular is that he is the only kind of vampire who can actually feed on other vampires. He does not even need to touch his victims, merely be in their presence,
The vampires’ familiar is Guillermo, an overweight Latino who is evidently inspired by the Mexican horror director Guillermo Del Torro . His job is to find the vamps their favourite food – virgins! To do this he joins the local LARP group.
The main storyline of this episode is the arrival of another vampire - a centuries-old sub-sucker named The Baron. He is old-fashioned, and will not be happy at their lack of progress in conquering the New World and enslaving humanity.
As per the Baron’s command, the vampires have to get involved in local politics. Luckily, Colin is an expert. He loves the bureaucracy it involves, which depresses the hell out of everyone else (and makes them easier for him to feed on). Laszlo (Matt Berry - Garth Morenghi’s Darkplace ) and Nandor decide to try influencing rival members of the local council.
Nadja feels sorry for one of the LARP group, Vicki the virgin, and decides to turn her into a vampire. This storyline will be played out in a later episode.
Laszlo (Matt Berry - Garth Morenghi’s Darkplace ) is upset to discover that one of the local werewolves has broken the secret peace deal by urinating in his garden, specifically on his topiary sculptures. Things escalate quickly, and the werewolf pack comes calling. They look like a mixed-race street gang from the 1980s.
Meanwhile, Colin Robinson gets his own subplot. This show might be inspired by The Office, but this is the one episode where it really goes back to his roots. Colin’s workplace in the corporate bureaucracy is invaded by a deadly rival – an Emotional Vampire. If he does not fight to protect his feeding ground, he may find himself pushed out and starving to death.
Nandor decides to strengthen his group’s position by making an alliance with the Manhattan vamps, who are led by a night-club owner named Simon the Devious (Nick Kroll - ). The Staten Island vamps head over to the night club, dressed in their dated Goth garb. Laszlo (Matt Berry - Garth Morenghi’s Darkplace ) wears his favourite hat, made from the skin of witches. Apparently the hat is cursed, which Laszlo refuses to accept, and he chooses to ignore all the terrible accidents which ensue.
Laszlo (Matt Berry - Garth Morenghi’s Darkplace ) gets knocked unconscious while in his bat form, and gets locked up by the local dog warden. Nandor tries to break into the pound and ave him. Unfortunately, as it has already been established government employees are practically impossible to hypnotise because they are already dead on the inside. Luckily Colin Robinson is around to indirectly save the day.
Nadja the female vamp finally gets a chance to date her soulmate Gregor (Jake McDormand - Limitless ) again. The first episode introduced him, but this storyline has been ignored until now. Basically he reappears in her life every few decades, until he eventually gets decapitated and then reincarnated again. For the date they go to a carnival fun-fair, where she discovers that his new incarnation is incredibly boring and lacks ambition of any kind. Since vampires who live for centuries have a very low threshold for boredom, this is not a good thing in any way.
The Baron insists the others take him out for a night on the town. Of course, he cannot consume human food without projectile vomiting - but this does not stop him from trying the local pizza.
After the events of the previous episode, the vampires are put on trial by a committee of other vamps. This is a parody of the trial scene in Interview With The Vampire , but there are so many references to other vampire movies. Two of the committee are characters from the original movie , played by the original actors (who are the writers/producers of this show). The leader is Tilda Swinton , and they are joined by Skype by Wesley Snipes ( Blade (1998) ). Danny Trejo ( From Dusk Til Dawn (1996) ), Paul Reubens ( Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992) ) and Rachel Evan Woods from True Blood are all on the council as well. Dave Batista ( Guardians of the Galaxy ) pops up as one of the prisoners previously sentenced by the Council.
Ironically, Guillermo might be pretty inept as a familiar but he is actually the most dangerous of all the regular characters.
Nandor wants to get US citizenship. He arranges the necessary appointments, but the interview section itself lets him down quite badly.
Vicki the virgin has become a vampire, and Nadja brings her home to be mentored. Guillermo is less than pleased, because he has been working his ass off for a decade and now even strangers are being given the gift of eternal life.
Nadja wants to host the greatest orgy in the vampire community. Since they are a species of immortal blood-drinkers, the annual orgy is the most important thing in their social calendar. Laszlo (Matt Berry - Garth Morenghi’s Darkplace ) turns out to have starred in dozens of crappy porno films, and wants to show them at the orgy. Nadja is not so keen on the idea.
Naturally Guillermo gets lumbered with all the chores to do. The most important thing is to supply a tasty virgin for the meal. It turns out that he might actually have to feed his own best friend to the vamps.
Guillermo gives everyone DNA tests. His own test results turn out to reveal some strange family secrets. Despite being a Latino, he is somehow descended from a certain Dutch family with a very ominous and familiar name.
Nandor visits a distant descendant of his. Well, it is already established that he lived before the year 1401 and had three dozen wives, so he had hundreds of thousands of descendants.
Gregor (Jake McDormand - Limitless ) breaks out of the asylum, and tries to visit Nadja. Will he get decapitated yet again?
This is set a few months after the events of the previous Season. Over the Summer break, Laszlo (Matt Berry - Garth Morenghi’s Darkplace ) and Nadja have hired and lost half a dozen familiars. Their newest one, Topher (Haley Joel Osment - Futureman ), is also killed. The good news is that Nadja is friends with a Necromancer (Benedict Wong - Dr Strange ) who tries to bring Topher back. The bad news is that he comes back as a zombie.
The house turns out the be haunted. The vamps do not believe in ghosts at first, but eventually conduct a seance. It turns out that Gregor (Jake McDormand - Limitless ) is haunting Nadja because he has unfinished business with her.
The vamps conduct a second seance, and discover that they have ghosts of themselves. Yes, when their bodies were killed and converted into vampires their souls became ghosts with unfinished business. Nandor's ghost only speaks his own langage, which is extinct - and even Nandor has forgotten how to speak it. Lazlo's ghost has been suffering centuries of sexual frustration. Nadja's ghost decides to possess her doll, like Annabelle .
The vampires visit their next-door neighbours to watch the Superb Owl. Unfortunately the neighbour jokes that they might be vampires. Nandor and Laszlo (Matt Berry - Garth Morenghi’s Darkplace ) try to hypnotise him at the same time, which results in the man getting the Brain Scramblies. This is not a good thing ... or is it?
Guillermo is out, searching for a new supply of virgins. He attends a meeting for a nerdy club, run by Craig Robinson ( Hot Tub Time Machine ). Unfortunately the nerds are not actually obsessed with mosquitos. They are hunting a different kind of flying blood-sucker!
Laszlo (Matt Berry - Garth Morenghi’s Darkplace ) checks his email for the first time in a decade, and discovers an old-fashioned chain email. Being superstitious when the plot requires it, he and the others assume the curse is real.
Guillermo has taken the evening off, so he can meet up with Craig Robinson ( Hot Tub Time Machine ) and his other new friends in the Vamp Hunter club. Unfortunately the hunters have decided to go on a mission. With the bare minimum of training and preparation, and no real plan of action, they intend to attack a nearby house filled with vampires. Yes, it looks like Guillermo is being forced to attack the friendly vamps.
This is the Season's Colin Robinson episode, so it is a lot more like The Office than the main storyline. The Energy Vampire gets promoted at work, which means he has unlimited feeding potential - so his powers grow exponentially. His hair grows back, he learns how to fly ... and he can duplicate himself through supernatural mitosis.
The other vamps try redecorating, and Colin selects a picture of Nadja's home village. The picture depicts the day, two hundred years before Nadja's time, when it was burned and pillaged by an army of unknown invaders. Now she finally discovers what Nandor the Relentless was doing at that time.
Laszlo (Matt Berry - Garth Morenghi’s Darkplace ) is confronted by his arch-enemy, Jim the Vampire (Mark Hamill - Star Wars ). He flees to Pennsylvania, because it sounds like Transylvania, and becomes a roadhouse owner named Jackie Daytona. The local girls' volleyball team needs funding for their tournamnet fees, so he steps in to help with the crowdfunding. His plan is to run a talent show contest, and charge five dollars a head entry fee.
Nandor, Laszlo (Matt Berry - Garth Morenghi’s Darkplace ) and Nadja are invited to a prestigious event for leading members of the local vampire community. This appeals to their vanity, so they decide to go along. They forget, of course, that the Vampire Council sentenced them to death last year. They would be better off keeping a low profile.
Guillermo is the only one who can save them. Unfortunately he has quit and gone home. Worse, none of the vamps can remember his surname.
This is exactly the kind of thing that the vampire hunters would be useful at. Unfortunately Craig Robinson ( Hot Tub Time Machine ) and the gang are nowhere to be seen.